Counting The Cost

We all know about David. He was King David.

He was a Psalmist. He was a dancer. He was a warrior. He was a man after God's own heart. So much of what we do and who we are as believers is emulated after David. But I don't think we really understand what it takes to be a man or woman after God's own heart.

I am not writing this to tell you the story of David. You can go to the Bible and read it on your own. But David's life was not easy. Actually, his life was pretty terrible.

The easiest years of David's life were before he was anointed. These were the years where he enjoyed anonymity. He didn't have a king chasing after him to kill him. He didn't have his best friend killed, his son die as a result of his sins, his wives locked away or his sons killing each other going after his throne.

The life of David was filled with too much heartbreak, too many wars and too much sadness. But interestingly enough, I don't think there is anyone in the Bible who worshiped like David. He certainly worshiped more than any of the kings of Israel.

But why am I talking about David? Because I want to be like him. I want to worship God all of the days of my life. I want to write worship songs and adore Him. I want to live in the house of the Lord all of the days of my life:

 "One thing have I asked of the Lord,
    that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
    and to inquire in his temple." Psalm 27:4

Actually, the person in the Bible I am called to be like is not very different from David:

And there was a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was advanced in years, having lived with her husband seven years from when she was a virgin, and then as a widow until she was eighty-four. She did not depart from the temple, worshiping with fasting and prayer night and day.  And coming up at that very hour she began to give thanks to God and to speak of him to all who were waiting for the redemption of Jerusalem. Luke 2: 36-38

But there is something I haven't really thought about. On Tuesday, before we began our watch at Times Square House of Prayer, the Lord kept saying to me: "Count the cost". And I would weep and agonize, because the things He is calling me to lay down and the things I must be willing to lose are great. They are very great. Living a life after God's own heart means that nothing else could possess my heart. Nothing. I have to be willing to lose it all and count it all as loss.

The Lord kept saying to me "Count the cost", and I kept saying: "Just please don't take your presence away from me. I know I will suffer for your sake. But please don't take your presence from me." He didn't say anything. I didn't understand why. Truthfully, He is God, so He is not obligated to answer. But I understand why He didn't say anything now.

The goal is to follow Jesus. Following Jesus requires me to take up my cross. But even Jesus, when He was on the cross, felt abandoned (Matthew 27:46). So, if I am to live this life, I also have to be willing to keep being obedient no matter what. I have to keep going even when I don't hear Him, even when it feels like He has forsaken me; though He never has and never will.

David didn't have the Holy Spirit living inside of him like we do today because of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. But David still believed. He still sought the Lord. He sought Him not because of what He has, but because of who He is.

I want to live this life. But I am yet to say yes. I'm counting the cost. Have you counted the cost to live the life you're called to live?

"Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them,“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’  Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple." Luke 14: 25-33