Last Year On Thanksgiving Day, I Was In Love

With J*** on Thanksgiving Day

On a day like today, it is difficult not to think about where I was last year.

At this time, on this day, I was getting ready for my then-boyfriend to arrive here from Maryland. We had been dating for 3 months and we were on fire in love with each other. It was the first time he was going to meet my family. It was also the first time I was going to bring a boyfriend home.

We were happy to see each other but we also knew we were going to be around a lot of people, in the midst of a lot of commotion.

He was so very nervous when we arrived home. I didn't know why. He had been confident about it before, but this time he was really uneasy. As the night progressed, it seemed like he became more comfortable.

I thought we had a great time. My family liked him and he liked them. I found out later on he didn't have a good time at all. I expected some of the cultural shock, but I didn't know it was going to be so extreme. We slept at my parents' that night, and in the morning it seemed like he couldn't wait to get out of there.

I later found out why.

We had been discussing back and forth some details about our future. I kept pushing for us to live in New York, yet foreseeing the possibility of moving to Maryland when we were ready to have kids. He kept pushing for living in Maryland as soon as possible.

The morning after Thanksgiving, we were traveling to Maryland for him to make it to his church's Friday night program. When we were on our way, I found out why he had been so nervous.

He was about to tell me that he most definitely did not want to move to New York. He thought I was going to break up with him over it. He wanted to have a discussion about it before we left, so that if I wanted to break up with him, I wouldn't make it out to Maryland unnecessarily. I remember him telling me that he felt like I was holding his heart in my hands, and he had no idea if he was going okay or if I was going to crush him. No pressure, Anel.

So, we talked about it.

I told him that I wasn't opposed to moving to Maryland. I told him I actually liked his church family and was reserving my feelings about it because I wanted him to strongly consider New York. He told me it was my decision whether I wanted to move forward in the relationship or end it in light of his news.

I told him exactly what I felt. I told him that breaking it off gave me peace, but that I wasn't ready to face the heartbreak. I told him that staying in the relationship with him, though joyful, made me feel stuck. I felt like my life was already planned out. I had to be a part of this particular church. I had to live in this particular state. I had to live this particular life. I felt stuck.

He told me he didn't know why I felt that way. He told me hearing that from me really bothered him. I didn't know what to make of that. Ultimately, I gave in to his wishes. I thought: "I could be happy anywhere. God will use me anywhere and bless me anywhere. So, if this is that important to him, I'll give in."

The rest of that weekend is really blurry. I know we kept seeing each other almost every weekend during the holidays but I also remember it was the last time we were happy. December was the last time we shared a happy time together. Every month thereafter was a struggle. After going back and forth on our differences, sharing more time together and even going on a mission's trip to the Dominican Republic, we sill ended up breaking up in late May.

What did I learn about this? That I can't compromise. I was born to be free. It doesn't matter what state I get to live in as long as I'm doing ministry and serving the Lord. But I need to be free do to everything that God has called me to do, and I can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want or understand that. (If you want to read more about our differences, see my guest blog post on Amy F. Davis Abdallah's site)

Some people get upset with me when I talk about the possibility of being single for the rest of my life. Why is that a sad thing?

"I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7:26-35

No other time in my life have I understood these verses more.

So, today I am thankful for J***. I am thankful for what he taught me. I am thankful for my single life and for knowing what I want, and not compromising. I am thankful for my family, for my faith family, and for the ministry opportunities the Lord has opened up. I am thankful for Jesus and how He has restored my life.

It is okay to end relationships with good people. I wish I would've just known that. But today I am grateful for it. I am happier than I've ever been and more thankful than I've ever dreamt...

It is my ultimate joy to share all of these close relationships and so very many others I treasure so dearly. It is impossible to take these relationships for granted.

They fill my life and my heart with unending joy. I have learned to be grateful for what has been and is no longer, but to be even more grateful for what is.

Happy Thanksgiving :D I pray you count your blessings today.