I don't know if I can remember the countless times I have made vows to the Lord. I said to Him: "Lord, I will pray every day for X amount of time. I will fast. I will be faithful. I won't do this again. I won't be distracted by the things of the world anymore, bla bla bla".
I did the whole Jonah thing every year, several times a year. I've been a Christian for 13 years so you do the math. I felt like a failure at this Christian living. It wasn't just about me not keeping my promises to God. It was also about believing that this was "just the way that it was supposed to be". I cannot tell you the countless times the Lord did amazing things for me. He dug me out of pits that were far too deep for me to come out of myself. Everything he did supernaturally stayed with me. It was an eternal imprint. But why didn't I sustain it? I didn't know how to and sometimes I just didn't want to. This is the reason I stopped binging on sermons or going to Christian events for a "high". I was tired of the temporary things and I knew I needed more. It wasn't for the lack of trying. My friends will tell you of the crazy commitments I would make. I would really truly wake up at 4am every day, read my Bible, pray and worship for at least 4 hours every day. I would truly do it. But no plans I could ever make were ever perfect- or constant. How can it be that God does something amazing in me and that I take measures to keep my freedom, but I still end up bound again?
The problem is that we don't understand Christian living. See, we were made to live with Him. The gospel was never meant to be just an experience. We were created to have a vibrant on-going and exciting relationship with Him. If I start quoting Bible verses that reflect this I would NEVER end! I am convinced now more than ever that the reason we don't get to keep our freedom for all of the amazing things the Lord does in our lives, is because of us!
First of all, we are not committed to living holy and obedient lives. But even if we do strive to live holy lives, we want to do it our way. We want to set our own parameters for what it means to be holy. No matter what you try to do, there is no way of getting around it! Our hearts need to be fully and completely in love and submitted to Jesus. But a heart that is fully and completely submitted to Jesus knows first that it is loved. Did you know that most Christians do not receive the love of God? No. We'd rather earn love than receive it freely. We have disbelief, doubt and pride to the core of our beings. It all happens in a chain of events:
We don't believe God loves us freely. We don't believe we have been made new creations in Him. We don't receive God's love. We can't love ourselves. We can't love others. We resort to our human logic and plans.
The second thing we do is that we compromise! We want the gospel to be comfortable and it was never meant to be comfortable! Full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control? Yes! But comfortability? Most definitely not. We live in disobedience. We have no idea who our God is. It truly pains my heart. I have lived 13 years of my Christian life this way too but
I got tired.
Not only was I proven over and over again that all passes away but God, but I also knew that I had to change the way I was doing things and start living with Him. Every day. Did you know that wherever I am, God is there too with me? He loves me so much. He never wants to leave me. And I never want to leave Him. I want to be with Him all the time. I want to take out of my life anything and everything that separates me from Him or that doesn't allow me to have His presence always. It is so amazing to walk with Him and rely on Him. I still strive to wake up at 4am every day but even when I don't, it's okay. He never leaves me. I can talk to Him all day. It is so fun. I get to be grateful for the little things and watch Him perform miracles all throughout my day. It is the most amazing thing to walk with Jesus.
Have you tried it? You should. Lay down your life and follow Him. Maybe we'll get to tag-team one day being about our Father's business. I love you. Whoever you are. The Lord loves you so much. Let's have fun and watch heaven come.
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