This week was unexpected. I had been scheduled to work only 3 days for a few hours and I hoped I would go to Maryland midweek to see my boyfriend, John, since it was so slow. Plans changed. The weather was going to be difficult and I didn't want to get stuck in MD while it happened. And then my employer asked me to work for two extra days. Perfect. Well, that wasn't enough. She told her colleague about me and now I am also working Saturday night. Perfect. Now I work every day this week. Well, that wasn't enough. She hands me 2 tickets to the Opera at Lincoln center on Monday night. The seats were in the front. If I would've paid for them they would've costed me $450 each. It was amazing. I was very grateful and happy at the unexpected turn of events, not just for the day but for the week.
I've been meditating on my as-of-lately-flipped life. I know God has orchestrated this season in my life and I'm understanding why. In the past, I approached things with lots of plans. I would maximize the changes and minimize the time and pain. I am good at that. I can make a plan, stick to it and succeed. I can run my life pretty well. Well, there it is: I, I, me, me, I can, I control. What a nasty habit and attitude. The thing is that I have a Savior and Lord. My life is not my own and I was never meant to control it. Besides this, the whole point of exercising control is so that I never have to go through pain and hardship; at the very least diminish it. How unrealistic! Not only can I not control the outcomes and events of life, I also learn absolutely nothing that way. All I have learned by "handling my business" that way is to be decisive and determined. Those two can be very good qualities, but they have their time and place. I cannot live life like that. I don't learn much that way. I don't get to learn to appreciate the small things, to count my blessings, to be patient, to be okay with not getting my way. I can't learn to be content that way and I can't learn self-control.
My boyfriend is such a good man. He is so intentional about his life. He is incredibly committed to the Lord and to others. He finds so much joy in his life as it is and I'm still trying to understand how he does that. He does a good job and enjoys his obligations no matter where he is. Constantly, he finds ways to help others and he takes what he does for them very seriously. The same excellence he displays at work he also displays everywhere else. He is so very intentional and detail-oriented. He loves working behind the scenes and does not care whether he is seen. In fact, he'd rather not be seen. John is happy. I tease him at times telling him his life is boring, but to him having the ability to help so much and do so much for others is very fulfilling. He is genuinely happy and grateful with what the Lord has given him. He is not concerned with making a name for himself or living an extraordinary life. He just wants God to watch him be faithful in his every day life. He doesn't just want to say he is grateful; he wants to show he is grateful. You know why? Because he didn't always have a job, and he didn't always have a church to call home, he didn't always have a family he could count on. John knows how to count his blessings and not take them for granted. He is not concerned with acquiring more blessings. He is concerned with treasuring the ones he already has.
I want to be like John. I don't know how to but I know I want to. All I can do is take one day at a time and lean on my God to do the rest. It's that simple, and that hard.
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