Why Relationships Are The Toughest And Most Important

                            One of my dearest friends and I

I was having a conversation with my good friend Yisel about this just last week. I remember telling her: Relationships are so tough, and we can't escape them.

For most people, when they hear the word "relationship" they immediately attribute such to a romantic type of partnership. However, when I say this word I mean to use it in the broadest sense. I do this because first of all, I like to call things what they are. Second, I want to attribute meaning to something this society has simply devalued.

We live in a world where independence and individualism is valued. We even celebrate people who only care about their own affairs and make a blind eye to the cares of everyone else in the world. We say this is a smart thing to do. We say that we cannot please people and that everyone will always have a different opinion about you. 

For this matter, we like to isolate ourselves and live inside our little bubble. The truth is that we just don't want to get hurt or disappointed. We have lived separate from God all of our lives and many times we want the people around us to fill the needs that only God can fill. 

Eventually, we find out that no human can ever fulfill our needs and that they could never be flaw-less or disappointment-less. So we isolate ourselves. We make an island for ourselves that if it's not physical, it is surely mental and emotional. But we are lonely, and we are unhappy. 

Let me unpack some of the things I have said:

A relationship is any type of bond or connection a human being has with another human being. Relationships vary in time and nature. There are different ranks among relationships and there are different levels of loyalty and trust. 

Can I call the relationship I have with the cashier at the supermarket a relationship? Yes, I can. The nature of the relationship is one of service and consumer. The time I spend engaging in that relationship is brief. 

There are aspects of my life the cashier will never know about. But for some moments, that human being made in the image and likeness of God, provided a service to me. I smiled to this person. I shared a little dialogue. Perhaps I shared a piece of information that may prove to be helpful to this person or vice versa. That brief relationship and contact has now created an effect in my life or theirs. 

Why am I talking about this? Because I seek to give value to every interaction we have with every person. We don't live in a bubble or an island. My groceries do not get packed by themselves. I don't drive the public transportation bus myself. We need people. We need people so much that if I lived in a rural area where there are not a lot of people, I don't get to have a supermarket. I also don't get to have a gym, or a library. 

We need each other, so we need to start giving value to each other.

What about the people in our closest circles? We need to stop dismissing them and changing them like we do clothes. Everyone wants the same things. Everyone wants to be loved and appreciated. Everyone wants to live in community. But there is a price to pay to living in community. The price to pay is one of vulnerability. We need to take the risk of getting hurt. We need to take the risk of having difficult conversations and situations in the midst of our relationships. They are worth it. 

We need each other. If it wasn't for the many relationships and interactions I have had in my life, I would not be where I am. All of the lessons I have learned and how much I have grown are attributed to the relationships I have had.

The most profound relationship I have and the model for every other relationship is my relationship with God. One of us is perfect, so it could never quite equate to a human relationship. However, there are more things to learn about my relationship with God than any other relationship. So much so, that if my relationship with God is not solid, it is extremely difficult to have solid relationships with anyone else.

So what are some characteristics of relationship with God that bleed into human relationships?

First of all, there is no room for superficiality. I can never come to my relationship with God pretending I am someone I am not. I can be nothing less than raw and transparent. He demands the truth out of me. He is always true and always honest; and even if I'm not trying to be true and honest, He will still get the truth out of me. There is so much transparency in this relationship.

How many of our relationships have failed because we fail to be honest with each other? A lot. So, why don't we learn from from our relationship with God and practice transparency? It will be incredibly fruitful.

The second thing about my relationship with God is that it is intimate. It is something that He and I share, and no one else is invited to it. We are not afraid to say I love you. I am free to be my rawest self with Him. 

I should probably pause here and say that this rank of relationship is most definitely NOT for everyone. Married couples share their rawest self with their spouse. It is worrisome some do not. But besides that point, your rawest self is not for everyone. Jesus let John, James and Peter see things the other nine disciples never saw. So take note of that. A short list for this level of intimacy is optimal. Nevertheless, you should have people you get to be your rawest self with. If Jesus had them, why wouldn't you?

Lastly, God is in all of my affairs. He is there for every decision and every situation. He and others around me keep me accountable. And that is one of the most problematic things about how we live. We don't have people keeping us accountable and we don't want people keeping us accountable. This is how we end up making some terrible decisions. We need someone who knows our raw self to keep us accountable. 

So, are relationships complicated? Definitely. But are they worth it? Absolutely. You need all sorts of relationships. You need family, friends, acquaintances, networks, etc. You need people. You need people and you need God. The people around you not only teach you about God but they are also a reflection of Him. I'll leave you with this Bonhoeffer quote:

“Why is it that it is often easier for us to confess our sins to God than to a brother? God is holy and sinless, He is a just judge of evil and the enemy of all disobedience. But a brother is sinful as we are. He knows from his own experience the dark night of secret sin. Why should we not find it easier to go to a brother than to the holy God? But if we do, we must ask ourselves whether we have not often been deceiving ourselves with our confession of sin to God, whether we have not rather been confessing our sins to ourselves and also granting ourselves absolution...Who can give us the certainty that, in the confession and the forgiveness of our sins, we are not dealing with ourselves but with the living God? God gives us this certainty through our brother. Our brother breaks the circle of self-deception. A man who confesses his sins in the presence of a brother knows that he is no longer alone with himself; he experiences the presence of God in the reality of the other person.” 

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Christian Community

I Weep, And I Address America

I have three groups of people I want to address today. I will first address my predominantly White conservative Evangelicals. I will then address my non-Christian friends, LGBTQ friends, people of color, disabled friends and women. Thirdly, I will address what I consider the remnant of the Church in this hour; the ones who are looking at what is happening in the heavens, who are known by their love.


To My Predominantly White Evangelical Friends & Trump Supporters

There are two groups within you. To simply categorize you, there is a group of you who voted on policy and there is a group of you who voted because you believed Trump was "God's elect". For the first group I mentioned, you who felt strongly about not voting for a candidate who supported abortion. I respect that. I also understand that. I was not a Hillary supporter either. We have a very similar stance when it comes to this. You voted for policies you believed best served our country and that is admirable and honorable. But you are probably wondering why so many people are upset, saddened and confused by this election. I'm going to walk you through it.

The man elected has publicly made racist statements, xenophobic statements, sexist statements and offended even people with disabilities. While for you these things may not have been said seriously, for the rest of America these statements are very very serious. They are so serious someone could lose their job for making remarks like these at their places of work. For the American who does not fit any of these categories, this is something that is very difficult to understand. If you feel guilty about this, stop. We have enough White guilt going around. I don't like it and it doesn't help us. Instead of feeling guilty about your position, I want you to understand what it's like for any of these group of people to watch this man be the leader of their nation. It is something that deeply hurts. It is a heavy heavy sentiment. For these groups, it feels like America has failed them. It feels like America really truly doesn't want us. And though we had felt it in the past, it has never been so blatant. It has never been so rampant. If you had any doubts that racism, sexism, xenophobia and homophobia still existed in America, just look at the consequences just hours after Trump was elected president. Now the people who hid these feelings and ideas feel that they have permission to outwardly express them; because Trump is their president. You have to admit the things he said would surface ugly feelings in many people's hearts. You have to admit to this when the KKK avidly supports Trump. Understand the people who are not in your shoes. Comfort them. Show them different. Show them you accept them and love them. Show them you do not represent the idea the president you elected represents for them. Read more about this on John Pavlovitz Address: White Christians Who Voted For Donald Trump. Fix This. Now.

Now I'm going to address the Christians who believe Trump is God's elect. I want you to think about what the fruit of "God's elect" has brought forth in this nation at this hour. I want you to think about the division we are currently living in. I want you to think about the children that are weeping because they believe they will be separated from their parents. I want you to think about the sentiments of the Black community when so many senseless deaths have taken place in the past two years. I want you to think about the Church. I want you to think about the church no longer being a safe place where everyone can come and encounter Christ. The church, according to the rest of America, is a place for only White privileged people. The Church has compromised the safety of our society. The church, according to the rest of America, has just confirmed how much Hypocrisy it embraces. So I want you to think about the "fruit" that Trump being pronounced as "God's elect" has brought forth. I want you to think about the fact that this man did not at any point make any mention of God in his victory speech. You cannot bring God into your decision to vote for Mr. Trump. You voted for Mr. Trump, not God. You had a choice and God let you choose as you wished. So please stop all of the prophetic manipulation. Admit you didn't want Hillary and you voted for the lesser of two evils in your sight. You are hurting the afflicted with your remarks about God and you are not walking in love. You need to repent.

To My LGBTQ Friends, My Fellow Women, My People Of Color, My Friends With Disabilities, My Muslim Friends And My Immigrant People

Please please, I implore you with all of me to hear me: I am a Christian, and I am GRIEVED. I am crying as I am writing this post. I am so sorry the dream you had to see your first woman president was torn to pieces by people who say they are believers like me. I wanted to see a woman president as well. I may not have liked Hillary, but she represents so much more unity than Trump ever has and ever will. More than a president, we needed someone to look up to. Regardless of the policies I disagreed with, she made her best effort to bring people together through her speech and demeanor. She never once offended any group of people. And with all the limitations in politics, she made her best effort to remain neutral. I am sorry. I am sorry your voice is less heard today than it was yesterday. I am sorry your future is jeopardized. I am sorry you have experienced more of the bullying and the abuse. I am sorry so many more sexist men feel like they can do whatever they want with you. I am so so sorry. I mourn with you. I will fight for you. I will defend you. I will comfort you. I will protect you as a Christian, as a woman and as an immigrant, I am here, for you.

To the True Remnant of Jesus Christ

This is the opportune time to rise up with the ruthless love of Christ. Who is going to comfort a hurting America? You are. Who is going to be a true example of Christ in this generation? You are. Who is going to call out the proud and loveless who claim to be like Jesus? You are. It is time for the true praying generation to rise up. It is time for the generation who sees beyond what is happening in the natural realm and understands this is a great time for reaping. This is the time to sift out those who do not belong and take our place as the true Bride of Christ. The true Bride of Christ understands that our hope is not in the government. Our hope is truly truly in Christ.The true Bride of Christ does not waste time in politics. The true Bride of Christ spends her time praying, worshiping, loving Jesus and others with their last breath. This is the time for the true Bride of Jesus Christ. If you thought you were alone, you need to know now that you are not alone. We stand with you. We love with you. We pray with you. Let's rise up. It's our Kairos time.

So these are my thoughts for America. I hope that it helps clarify some things for people for whatever it's worth. I promised that I would be honest with my writing and this is it. If you understood why I wrote this, let me know. If this brought you any clarity, or if you need more clarity, let me know. I will be here, present; and I will not be quiet. I love you. All of you.

My Mind, My Mind, Why Does My Mind Do That??

My overthinking face in 2010

Do you have some coping mechanisms you used as a child?
Do you find yourself still using them also as an adult? I do too.

My coping mechanism is my own mind. There were several things I did with my mind in order to cope with my reality... But let me first talk about why I needed a coping mechanism:

Ideally, a child would grow up in a home where he/she is affirmed. That means that their parents would understand who the child is, and they'd speak into their traits and attributes in a positive way. They would value their feelings, thoughts, ideas and even their decisions at times. My parents, however, had no grid to understand that, let alone offer it to me. It wasn't something they grew up with or watched anyone in their environment do. And that is okay. However, this hurt me deeply.

I had things said to me that were very damaging and hurtful. Everything from not being good enough to comments about my body were made on a regular basis. To make matters worse, I was also bullied at school physically, mentally and emotionally. When you put all of these things together, you begin to understand why a ten year old child would see suicide as their only option. Thankfully, God didn't allow me to commit suicide.

What would I then do when these things were said to me? I began to tune out. I cannot tell you how much I would daydream. I would daydream so much, that by the time I got to High School this became my favorite past time. If I heard something I didn't like in class, I would automatically go into a daydream. I would get home from school, sit in my room, think and daydream for hours. I would do this until night time. I hated my reality, so I would invent an alternate one. I fantasized about writing all of the fantastic ideas I was having; and I would dream about producing a book out of them someday. 

My favorite thing to do was to go away in my thoughts. What I didn't realize is that I was so good at it, I became detached from the world. I didn't know how to have normal conversations with people. My conversations were too deep, and at times just too angry. Anything that was unfair in this world would make me angry.

I would also stage all different kinds of scenarios. I would think in my head the words I would say to people before I'd say them. I would plan out in my head their different responses so that I would know how to reply to them. I could have 7 different scenarios planned out in my head about a 2 minute conversation. I didn't know it at the time, but the thought of unpredictable conversations or scenarios would give me anxiety.

I loved to protect myself in this way. Living in anxiety, constant thinking, planning and daydreaming was my ticket to a safe life. I wanted to control every aspect of my life. But that is virtually impossible. I cannot worry my way through life.

In college, I realized I had a real problem with living in the moment. I didn't know how to do that, not at all. I didn't know how to have fun conversations. I didn't know how to be carefree. It took a lot on my part to begin to heal those areas; and then some more effort when I would encounter triggers.

In 2010, I began to come out a little bit out of my shell. But then there was someone who was a father figure to me who was extremely unpredictable; sometimes happy and sometimes hostile. This person triggered the highest level of anxiety I had ever had since I was young. It was so bad, I was essentially paralyzed and could hardly complete any task. 

In 2013, after a lot of inner healing, I had an impossible-to-please-professor who triggered my anxiety through the roof. In addition to this, I had a very hostile manager that sent several of us to therapy, as I learned later. This is when the anxiety and fear was the absolute worst. I fully believe that if someone would've checked the constant pounding of my heart, I would have been admitted to the hospital. I was terrified of my own shadow. I finally decided to get some professional counseling my school offered for free. I was then diagnosed with two anxiety disorders. One of them was Panic Disorder and the other was Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I discovered the latter one before I was diagnosed because I read it in a book for my Abnormal Psychology class. I wrote a 10 page research paper on it. (Actually, I wrote 20 pages, became extremely anxious while attempting to cut it down, and my professor allowed me to turn it in with 16 pages, after a discussion.) 

Now I knew what the problem was and I could give myself some grace. I stopped being anxious about being anxious. In therapy, I learned about Cognitive Behavioral Theory. Understanding what the problem was along with some solutions worked to an extent... but the mind cannot heal itself.

The Spirit of the Living God is the only one that can heal.

That year -2013- the Lord called me into a Daniel fast for the year. It was a year of wholesome consecration, identity and Sabbath rest. It was also the year in which the Lord began to take me on out-of-body experiences. It was eye-opening to see how persistent my mind could be in trying to understand the mysterious things the Spirit of the Living God was doing. The Lord told me to be fully present in these experiences and He would later bring them to remembrance so that I could write them down. 

During that time is when I experienced the overwhelming and supernatural peace of the Lord all over again. This is also when I went back to my First Love. That's when I discovered and trusted that God was completely safe again. He is not partly safe. He is 100% safe. 

Shortly after my fast began, the enemy began to attack my closest friends. All of them were struggling with different things and had no grid to understand my season. I care very deeply about the people in my life, so I came out of my season in hopes I could help my friends. But can you guess what happened afterwards? I couldn't help them, and I went back to relying on the anxiety and overthinking. I ultimately gave up on my friends and I tried to go back into my season as best as I could. I had lost momentum, yet I still took hold of some great heavenly things between 2014 and this year.

Where am I now? I am right in between. I am having extremely rich and amazing experiences with the Lord, but my mind wants to kick back in. I am incredibly in tune with the Spirit realm, seeing angels, miracles and experiencing the power and goodness of God on a regular basis. It's almost as if my mind thinks that it could out-think Holy Spirit. It thinks that it could do a better job. I am so used to having my mind in control that it wants to override the levels in which Holy Spirit is taking me 

It takes everything within me to just. let. go. I cannot out-think my way out of thinking. Like I said, my mind cannot heal my mind. I have to let go so that Holy Spirit can guide my mind completely. When I let Holy Spirit do that, it is so quiet up there. I am not thinking about a million things that will never happen. I think about what is important in the moment. I am more present. I am more joyful. I am carefree. I am more loving. I am more Anel.

My coping habit has damaged so many things over the course of my life. I truly had no idea how much damage I was doing to my own self, and how much satan used my weaknesses to withhold blessings from me. The enemy used my mind to not only say lies to me, but to bring panic and suspicion. My mind, my dear friend, instead of working for me, began to work against me.

The same lady I mentioned on the picture of last week's post also said: "The Lord says that you're very smart-and that's good, He has given you your intelligence- but He also says that sometimes your thinking gets in the way of what He wants to do, so He is putting that away for a while." Wow! That was such a timely word.

Where am I now? I am so much better than I used to be. My friends can attest to say that who I am is a 180 degree difference than who I used to be. But the Lord is calling me to another level. So I have to let go completely. I am letting go of my dear coping mechanism. I am choosing to let the Spirit of the Living God guide me. He is the only one who can keep me safe. 

My mind belongs to Jesus. He is the Truth. He sets me free, and I am free. 

If you want to read some more about exposing fear and anxiety, you can read my Odyssey article

Fear Almost killed me...

So, what about you? Do you want to journey into mental, emotional and spiritual freedom with me?                                             Stay tuned...

Why The House Of Prayer Is Such a Big Deal To Me

My first time at Radiance International - Times Square House of Prayer. The woman next to me gave me a prophetic word telling me I was "Radiant" and kept speaking that word over me.

When I gave my life to Jesus, I was solely drawn by the Holy Spirit and prompted to pray. Because prayer was the form in which I first encountered God, it also became my favorite way to experience God and learn from Him. I did not know at the time that this love of prayer was also because I was called to be an Intercessor- to stand in the gap on behalf of persons and communities, to pray the revealed will of God in the spirit realm.

So, I began to dream as a new Christian at the age of 17. What was my dream? To have a house of prayer. During this time, I had no idea houses of prayer ever existed or that people even loved prayer as much as I did. Most of the time people called me crazy or "special". People who had been in the church for years began to wonder how I knew so much revelation of Scripture. They didn't know that the Lord had downloaded so much scriptural revelation in prayer even before I read it.

So I talked to people about my dream. I would say: "I want a building where all we do is pray. I want different people to volunteer. I want it to be opened all the time and I want different types of prayer to arise." I knew even back then that there were different kinds of prayer and depths of prayer. I also knew that the reading of Scripture itself is a prayer, so I wanted all of those components in my dream ministry. I would pray: "Lord, I just want people to see you the way I see you. I want them to feel you the way I feel you. I want them to know you the way I know you.

But I was disillusioned.

I didn't know all of the trials and purifying fires I would have to go through for the next 10 years. I was in churches where I would get poured into, but then the pastors would be caught in sin, anything from adultery, to gossip, to slander, to stealing money, you name it. In addition to this, for some reason God would only grace a few people with prophetic insight to see what He had placed in me. My leaders never saw it and no one poured into me or mentored me. I didn't know God was hiding me and protecting me. I just thought there was something wrong with me.

Fast-forwarding to 2016, I now knew about Houses of Prayer. I knew that I wasn't crazy for wanting the presence of God and prayer. But I was tired of the churches I knew. I was about to give up on it altogether and find comfort in the "safety" of a Baptist church in Maryland. I wanted a normal life and I had a normal boyfriend who could give me that. I would quiet down my prophetic intercessory life and be confined to a church that didn't even believe in my gifts as a woman. What was the attraction to that lifestyle? Predictability.

Do you know another word for someone who craves predictability? Faithless. Do you know what is also behind predictability? Control. Do you know what is behind control and manipulation? Idolatry. So, I was going to sign up for a predictable and idolatrous lifestyle where I was my own god.

But thank God Almighty.... And let me tell you, it is HARD to thank him for this, because back in May, I thought I was going to die. But thank God Almighty.

My "normal" boyfriend broke up with me when I was sick (literally in bed), more depressed than I had ever been, and counting all of my losses. I had like $20 to my name and my whole world was shattered.

Do you know what happens when your world gets shattered? Jesus happens. My God responds to needs, and I was in real need of Him. He began to give me very high doses of faith, that truthfully I couldn't live without. If He hadn't done that, I wouldn't have gotten up in the morning.

A few weeks later, I saw two of my college friends were attending a Latter Rain Revival at a house of prayer I didn't even know existed. I decided to go. I didn't have a lot of expectations, but I knew I needed to be around people of faith.

What can I tell you? That whole week the Lord did a work in me that shook me completely. My church friends can attest to this. I have never been the same. The presence of Jesus was all I needed. Being around faith-filled Christians was all I needed to come alive again. I was wrecked by Lana Vawser's words and fired up by Darrian Summerville. I received so much download as a writer from Jennifer LeClaire and Shara Pradhan spoke so powerfully into my life. Without knowing me she said: "You know, the way you're feeling right now is not your fault. You had a recent relationship and this guy broke your heart to pieces. You thought you were going to marry him but he has some issues he needs to deal with. God actually protected you, because he's not God's best for you." Is that a whoa or what?!!

But that is not the end of the story. I am now a part of the Core Team of this House of Prayer. I am now going to spend the next few years of my life hosting the presence of Jesus, ushering others into His presence, hosting a place where everyone can pray, worship and encounter the King of kings and Lord of lords. This is why the House of Prayer is such a big deal to me; because God granted me my dream 12 years later, after the life I had made for myself was absolutely shattered. My life looks nothing like I thought it would look like. But I am so incredibly fulfilled. I am filled with His presence and have found the utmost joy in letting Him take full reign and control of my life.

I have learned the lesson. It is His way. And His way is uncomfortable, and mysterious, and unpredictable, but it is such an ADVENTURE. Giving prophetic words to people, praying for the sick and seeing them get healed, preaching the gospel in Holy Spirit fire and see others come to Jesus... this is life!

Radiance International Times Square House of Prayer has the dearest place in my heart. It is an honor to be on the leadership team and see so many encounter His presence every week. So if you need to be revived in your personal life or ministry, if you need an encounter with Jesus, my God responds to needs, and there's a House of Prayer that will welcome you just as you are in Times Square. Come out. Your life may just be changed.

I'm Uncomfortable

                   

Every week when I log into my computer for the purpose of writing this blog entry, I encounter the same question: What is in my heart? And the answer to this question is this: So very much.

A few weeks ago, the Global Prayer Watch visited the House of Prayer. There was a woman there who prophesied some things over me that were incredibly accurate. One of the things she said to me is that I have been going through a lot of transitions. She said that I don't understand them and that God wanted me to become comfortable being uncomfortable.

I have never forgotten that.

How does one become comfortable being uncomfortable?

For me, this has meant the breaking off any limits, barriers or paradigms I had placed in my life and being okay with not having any. This has meant death to any type of safety I thought I had.

I almost want to cry while I write this.

If you ask me how many of the things in my life are going the way I want them to go, I would reply: none. If you also asked me how fulfilled I am in my life right now, I would say: The most I've ever been. Oddly enough, I have found the most satisfaction in not getting my way.

How could I have been so wrong?

For the most part in my life, I have attempted to play it safe and predictable. I like it safe and predictable. I know what is coming. But this is a lie.

I never really know what is coming. The unexpected always comes when I least expect it. To make matters worse, I worry about a ton of unexpected things that may happen but none of them ever actually happen. So my worrying and preparing is useless.

Playing it safe has led me nowhere. Playing it safe has decreased my faith in God. Playing it safe has prevented me from receiving all of the things God has for me.

I don't want to play it safe anymore.

I have 3 jobs. I am writing more than ever before. I am actively working in 3 ministries, one of which takes a lot of my attention and love, because it's my dream come true. In a month, I will be moving in a house with a faith community and family that will run this race with me for the next few years to come.

I have learned to cling tightly to Jesus while being completely heartbroken. I have learned to wage strong warfare against the schemes of the enemy. I have learned to walk this journey alone yet to be in community. I have learned to keep on going when I am absolutely exhausted. I am being okay not getting enough hours of sleep or not having the extended alone time I need as an introvert.

I am uncomfortable, and I am satisfied.

I have ran farther than I thought I could run, and faster than I ever imagined. I am so satisfied and so certain of this journey. I am overwhelmed with a peace that surpasses understanding. The things I think I want in the way I want them are nothing compared to what my Creator has for me.

So, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to trust Him. I am going to welcome His blessings and lessons in any way, shape or form. I have nothing to lose. I have given Him my life, and in His hands it has flourished.

With tears in my eyes, today I can say I have bloomed.

A Testimony Of Decades

30 years ago, I was the first daughter of the union of Elizabeth and Jorge Vicente. I am told the whole family rejoiced with me since I was the youngest.

For the next 10 years, the devil set out a plan for my life. He prompted anyone and anything in my life to bring violence, lies, doubts and pain. He started with me as early as he could.

 

20 years ago, at the age of 10, I attempted suicide. I came to believe I should have never been born. I was overcome with lies and brokenness.

For the next 10 years, I had to fight many battles. I fought battles with depression, anger and anxiety. But I met the Lord right in the midst of it and He began to change me. I still had so much to fight against but now I knew peace and I knew love that could surpass any understanding.

10 years ago, I went through a crisis. I left college after a big cultural shock and worked full time at a restaurant. I was also going through a crisis with a lot of pain and brokenness from church.

For the next 10 years, God healed me so deeply. He blessed me with a community and a career. He not only healed so many emotional wounds and built a platform for a lifetime, but he also trained me in my gifts and calling. He re-built so much confidence in myself, gave me real mentors, friends and family.

Today, I am a living testimony. These are some of the things I thought would never happen and did:

*My relationship with my family was restored
*I found God and was saved and set free by Him
*I came to believe I am loved and I am meant to live on this earth and carry purpose
*My relationship with the church was restored
*I graduated college
*I traveled to 4 countries in powerful mission trips
*I am walking in my identity, calling and vocation
*I am writing
*I am the happiest and most fulfilled I've ever been in my entire life

30 years ago, I was a little baby many people rejoiced over but had no idea what would become of me.
30 years later, I can say with confidence: I am incredibly loved and affirmed by my heavenly Father. I am incredibly loved by family. I am incredibly loved by my faith family. I deeply love all of them without shame or reservation.

I am an Intercessor, Prophetess, Teacher, Pastor, Writer, Mentor, Evangelist, Counselor and overall World Changer. I have always looked up to 30 with great expectation, and here I am, living the dream :D :D

Pray For Me

Friday is my 30th birthday. I began to think about what I want for my birthday. I really want revival and I thought about organizing an event honoring the Holy Spirit. That didn't really happen but there is more I want. I also need a lot of prayers. I will list some specific things I'd like prayer for but I wanted to ask you if you could lift these up as a gift to me. Will you pray for me?

Pray for the salvation of my whole family

Pray for direction in ministry and work

Pray for spiritual and emotional strength

Pray and agree for provision

Pray for revival

Pray for prayer meetings and gatherings to be stirred up in people's hearts

Pray for love to arise above hate, above fear and above differences

Thank you for your prayers. They are the best gift anyone could ever give me. If you want to send me your written prayers or voice messages, feel free to do so. It will certainly encourage me. Feel free to also send me any prophetic insights, dreams, pictures, Bible verses, I welcome it all! Thank you, xoxoxo