Why Relationships Are The Toughest And Most Important

                            One of my dearest friends and I

I was having a conversation with my good friend Yisel about this just last week. I remember telling her: Relationships are so tough, and we can't escape them.

For most people, when they hear the word "relationship" they immediately attribute such to a romantic type of partnership. However, when I say this word I mean to use it in the broadest sense. I do this because first of all, I like to call things what they are. Second, I want to attribute meaning to something this society has simply devalued.

We live in a world where independence and individualism is valued. We even celebrate people who only care about their own affairs and make a blind eye to the cares of everyone else in the world. We say this is a smart thing to do. We say that we cannot please people and that everyone will always have a different opinion about you. 

For this matter, we like to isolate ourselves and live inside our little bubble. The truth is that we just don't want to get hurt or disappointed. We have lived separate from God all of our lives and many times we want the people around us to fill the needs that only God can fill. 

Eventually, we find out that no human can ever fulfill our needs and that they could never be flaw-less or disappointment-less. So we isolate ourselves. We make an island for ourselves that if it's not physical, it is surely mental and emotional. But we are lonely, and we are unhappy. 

Let me unpack some of the things I have said:

A relationship is any type of bond or connection a human being has with another human being. Relationships vary in time and nature. There are different ranks among relationships and there are different levels of loyalty and trust. 

Can I call the relationship I have with the cashier at the supermarket a relationship? Yes, I can. The nature of the relationship is one of service and consumer. The time I spend engaging in that relationship is brief. 

There are aspects of my life the cashier will never know about. But for some moments, that human being made in the image and likeness of God, provided a service to me. I smiled to this person. I shared a little dialogue. Perhaps I shared a piece of information that may prove to be helpful to this person or vice versa. That brief relationship and contact has now created an effect in my life or theirs. 

Why am I talking about this? Because I seek to give value to every interaction we have with every person. We don't live in a bubble or an island. My groceries do not get packed by themselves. I don't drive the public transportation bus myself. We need people. We need people so much that if I lived in a rural area where there are not a lot of people, I don't get to have a supermarket. I also don't get to have a gym, or a library. 

We need each other, so we need to start giving value to each other.

What about the people in our closest circles? We need to stop dismissing them and changing them like we do clothes. Everyone wants the same things. Everyone wants to be loved and appreciated. Everyone wants to live in community. But there is a price to pay to living in community. The price to pay is one of vulnerability. We need to take the risk of getting hurt. We need to take the risk of having difficult conversations and situations in the midst of our relationships. They are worth it. 

We need each other. If it wasn't for the many relationships and interactions I have had in my life, I would not be where I am. All of the lessons I have learned and how much I have grown are attributed to the relationships I have had.

The most profound relationship I have and the model for every other relationship is my relationship with God. One of us is perfect, so it could never quite equate to a human relationship. However, there are more things to learn about my relationship with God than any other relationship. So much so, that if my relationship with God is not solid, it is extremely difficult to have solid relationships with anyone else.

So what are some characteristics of relationship with God that bleed into human relationships?

First of all, there is no room for superficiality. I can never come to my relationship with God pretending I am someone I am not. I can be nothing less than raw and transparent. He demands the truth out of me. He is always true and always honest; and even if I'm not trying to be true and honest, He will still get the truth out of me. There is so much transparency in this relationship.

How many of our relationships have failed because we fail to be honest with each other? A lot. So, why don't we learn from from our relationship with God and practice transparency? It will be incredibly fruitful.

The second thing about my relationship with God is that it is intimate. It is something that He and I share, and no one else is invited to it. We are not afraid to say I love you. I am free to be my rawest self with Him. 

I should probably pause here and say that this rank of relationship is most definitely NOT for everyone. Married couples share their rawest self with their spouse. It is worrisome some do not. But besides that point, your rawest self is not for everyone. Jesus let John, James and Peter see things the other nine disciples never saw. So take note of that. A short list for this level of intimacy is optimal. Nevertheless, you should have people you get to be your rawest self with. If Jesus had them, why wouldn't you?

Lastly, God is in all of my affairs. He is there for every decision and every situation. He and others around me keep me accountable. And that is one of the most problematic things about how we live. We don't have people keeping us accountable and we don't want people keeping us accountable. This is how we end up making some terrible decisions. We need someone who knows our raw self to keep us accountable. 

So, are relationships complicated? Definitely. But are they worth it? Absolutely. You need all sorts of relationships. You need family, friends, acquaintances, networks, etc. You need people. You need people and you need God. The people around you not only teach you about God but they are also a reflection of Him. I'll leave you with this Bonhoeffer quote:

“Why is it that it is often easier for us to confess our sins to God than to a brother? God is holy and sinless, He is a just judge of evil and the enemy of all disobedience. But a brother is sinful as we are. He knows from his own experience the dark night of secret sin. Why should we not find it easier to go to a brother than to the holy God? But if we do, we must ask ourselves whether we have not often been deceiving ourselves with our confession of sin to God, whether we have not rather been confessing our sins to ourselves and also granting ourselves absolution...Who can give us the certainty that, in the confession and the forgiveness of our sins, we are not dealing with ourselves but with the living God? God gives us this certainty through our brother. Our brother breaks the circle of self-deception. A man who confesses his sins in the presence of a brother knows that he is no longer alone with himself; he experiences the presence of God in the reality of the other person.” 

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Christian Community