I Am Not Willing To Die Like Jesus

There are many things I love about the Church (The universal body of believers). I am a part of it. 

But there are also many things I don't like. The one thing that is most important to me in terms of the Church is unity. Ever since I gave my life to Christ, I have longed to see a Church united. I have always thought that this one aspect should be the easier to accomplish since we all believe in the same God and have the same Holy Spirit living in the inside of us. 

The problem is that we are also very different. This is because we are supposed to work together and what one person has, the other doesn't and viceversa. 

Lately there has been a lot of complaining in my heart. I complain to the Lord a lot about the Church. But He centers me right back when He reminds me of how much He loves the Church and how He died for her. He reveals to me how unChrist-like I'm being. He prompts me to love in the midst of problems.

But there is more. The things that I love and desire are also in the heart of God. He wants to see us truly working together and loving one another. It didn't occur to me until very recently that if I am to see any of that, I need to start doing my part even when I don't see anyone else doing it.

That means that there is more required of me. And this is truly when it is revealed how unChrist-like I am. 

I am not willing to die.

Why would I die for a Church that doesn't understand me? Because Christ did.

Why would I die for a Church that doesn't want to watch and pray with me? Because Christ did.

Any question that I would ask in terms of dying to myself for the sake of unity in the Church is answered in that Christ already did it. I have no right to complain or to be angry because I am not loving the way that Christ did. 

I have to die.

I have to die to my pride. I have to surrender my right to be right. I have to confess that underneath it all, I just want to be comfortable. But I have to be who He has called me to be.

The truth is that we all like to pray big prayers and ask for big things. We like to say: "Have your way Lord". But truthfully, we don't want Him to have His way. His way is a lot more uncomfortable than we expected it to be. We like to pray for unity but we're not willing to die for unity- at least I am not. 

I don't know about you, but it's very hard for me to sacrifice and love people who hurt me. However, this is when I find out out I don't really want it. If I truly wanted it, I would die. I would sacrifice. 

So here's the choice: When Christ calls you to be more like Him, to die like Him, to sacrifice like Him, will you answer the call? I am learning to do it. There is no other way but to become more like Him. I have already given so much, why not go all the way?

I have to have Him. I have to count it all as garbage; all of my pride and wants. I have to because I love Him, and I made a commitment to Him. He is not just my Savior. He is my Lord. He is also my Father. He is also the Lover of my soul. Outside of Him there is nothing. So, I am answering a higher call to die and sacrifice. Will you?

I'm Ready To Date!!

I'm ready to date... Jesus. He asked me if I wanted to be His Beloved and I said yes. The problem is... I haven't been very faithful. It's hard to let Him take care of me and I have been very resistant. This does not make for a good relationship. I often stand Him up for dates and I seem to be more concerned with what I do for Him than what I do with Him. I want to please Him terribly but I don't give Him enough of what He loves the most: my presence.

So, I'm ready to date Jesus.

In the meantime, I'm going to ask you for a favor, dear reader. Please stop telling me that I need a man. I have the Best Man. Don't give me a sermon about how God created us to be together. Though He certainly did, there were many people in the Bible who did wonderful things with the Lord while they were single. In fact, all the people who were married were not significant because of their marriage but because of the amazing things they did with God.

So.... stop. I want to adventure with God too.

We have many plans together. We are going to rescue many lost people and bring them close to the heart of the Father.  We are going to bring the gospel of reconciliation to many. There will be wisdom, miracles, signs, wonders and.... fun. Yes, you read that right. It is going to be SO fun.

Last year around this time I was falling in love with a man. I thought we were going to be married and could not wait to do amazing things for God with him. But we never really did things for God together. I was just waiting to be married to do those things. But what I learned is that when you are in the right relationship, you start doing the right things even before the wedding. You pray together, for other people, read the Bible, preach the gospel and go on an incredible adventure with God. Don't get me wrong. I did some of that in my past relationship. But it was always strained. I wanted to pray and read the Bible for hours. He preferred to serve other people instead.

But with Jesus, it's not strained. It's easy. I can read the Bible, pray, serve others and do the unimaginable. Jesus never says no. He is always present with me and cares about every single aspect of my life. He is the Best Man.  He is my Beloved. He is mine. I am His. So why not? Why not date Jesus? What I am learning is that He is the standard for every relationship. If my other relationships do not resemble my relationship with Jesus, there is something wrong. Now, those relationships will never be perfect, but there is a selflessness, a love and togetherness that should be there.

I'm going to do amazing things with Jesus. Please don't shame me. You need to understand that this relationship is the most important relationship I'll ever have. Through this relationship I'll learn how a man is actually supposed to treat me, protect me and encourage me. If I ever do end up in a relationship with another man, I'll know a whole lot more truths than I ever did.

Let me answer the most popular question:

Why are you single?

I am single because I have yet to find a man who knows me in a way that only Christ can reveal to him. A man needs to be deep in the love and knowledge of God to be able to see me for who I really am. A man needs to be strong enough to hold the responsibility that is to not just care for me but care for the ministry and call that will be birthed through me. A man needs to be secure enough in His call of God to follow it fearlessly, understand and see how I am a part of it, without undermining what the Lord has given me. I am single because God loves me too much to give me to someone who doesn't understand who I am. I am single because there is too much I am going to do with Jesus regardless of my marital status and He can't afford to have someone hold it all back.

I am single. But I am not alone.

I am ready to date Jesus. I am ready to conquer the world with Him. How about you? Are you doing things with the Lover of your soul regardless of your marital status?

Worn Out Friday

There are so many words brewing on the inside on me. I almost wrote and posted a bomb last week and then it seemed like things piled one after the other. I got too busy. I got too worried. I fought many battles, but I missed this one. I didn't contend for what I wanted to write. And now I'm here, and I can't post the bomb I was going to post last week, because I'm worn out. I need prolonged Jesus time- but of course, that's also an excuse. I can die and drink from Him any minute. And I don't because I got busy, and because I made a habit out of being busy. The Lord stopped my routine dry on Monday and then I got myself back into it Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. So now I'm here, trying to get back into the quietness of soul I let myself get out of. Maybe I'll publish something else tomorrow. I need to take a drink from the living waters. Whereas the world would have me convinced I need to get busier, the Lord will always make sure I stop to take a drink.

Being A Catalyst

Newton and Yisel Perez ministering

Do you know what a Catalyst is? Let me give you the definition I found:

cat·a·lyst

ˈkad(ə)ləst/

noun

1. a substance that increases the rate of a chemical reaction without itself undergoing any permanent chemical change.

A Catalyst is also a person that causes change; major change. Many of us want things to change but we are unwilling to be those agents of change. 

I truly believe that in this season the Lord is calling many Catalysts to arise. You are called to change completely the culture of your home, work, church, neighborhood, etc. You are being called to be an agent of change. This is no longer the season where you stay behind and you let others work. This is also not the season when you do some things but leave out others. This is the season where you do everything. None of it has to be perfect but you have to show up. If you don't show up, things don't change, that is simply the reality.

There are many things you are dissatisfied with; so there are many things you are being called to change. You cannot leave it on the lap of others. You cannot assume they know. If the Lord gave you the eyes to see and the ability to do, don't wait! Go do it!

I didn't understand it myself until Newton and Yisel started talking to me about it. They are being catalytic and moving at a rhythm where many others around them are also impacting change. The words they have spoken over me have resounded greatly. Newton says to me: "Pray for hearts to be aligned to that level of glory" and Yisel says: "You are a Catalyst. Keep moving. Things are already changing."

I have begun many things and spoken to many people. I have been doing things I would've been terrified to do in the past. But the Lord has blessed it because of obedience. I have also encouraged others to move forward in their catalytic calling. Some embrace it and some don't. But I still have to keep moving. We have to be catalytic in season and out of season.

Nehemiah was a catalyst. He moved in obedience but mostly, he moved in prayer. He was also incredibly strategic. What is going to be your strategy as a Catalyst? 

First, begin with prayer. Start travailing and crying out to God. 

Second, listen to the word of the Lord. What is He saying? How is He moving? 

Third, begin to enroll others for the building of the vision. The ones who are called will be watchmen, watchwomen, creators and builders. 

Fourth, place it in the hands of God. Though God gave you the vision, it is He who will carry it through. He will do it in His timing and His way. Remember that He will only give you a glimpse. You have to trust He has the whole picture and you only need to do your part.

Are you willing to be a Catalyst? Will you be an agent of change in this season? Do it. Your loving God will bless it and carry it through. 

"Then I said to them, “You see the trouble we are in, how Jerusalem lies in ruins with its gates burned. Come, let us build the wall of Jerusalem, that we may no longer suffer derision.” And I told them of the hand of my God that had been upon me for good, and also of the words that the king had spoken to me. And they said, “Let us rise up and build.” So they strengthened their hands for the good work." Nehemiah 2:17-18

I said to the Lord I want more of Him and He said I don't really...

Last night before prayer meeting

Last night Alexa and I went to a prayer meeting. It was a powerful time of intercession. Before we began the corporate intercession, we had a personal devotional time. During my devotional time the Lord spoke to me. I said to Him: "Lord, I want more of you. I want and need so much of you. I need you always". Softly and gently, the Lord said: "Daughter, no,.. you don't. If you wanted more of me, you would have more of me."

These words were a dose of truth and love shot straight to my heart.

So many of us are concerned with giving more to the Lord and at the same time being worried about what is happening/not happening, what will/will not happen. We are always on the watch for the things that need to be done, the people we have to talk to, the things the Lord has given us to have responsibility over. But we forget about what we want and need the most. We also forget that when we started those things we were on fire for God. 

We want to secure our future but we forget that it is Him who secures our future. Do you remember that verse, Jeremiah 29:11? We love to quote it. We want to believe it. But we have done with this verse what we tend to do with many other verses: we completely get rid of context. We take the easier parts "I can do all things through Christ...." and we leave out the harder parts: "I know how to be brought low..." Here is some context for Jeremiah 29:11 and why it is so connected with our future:


 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile." Jeremiah 29:11-14


The "then" on the following verse does not imply that we will call upon the Lord only when He gives us that future.We know this to be true when keep reading the following verses: "I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes..." 



So, let's break this down:

First, it is not my job to worry about my future. The Lord already said His plans for me are for welfare and that He has a future and a hope for me.


Second, my job is to call upon Him and pray to Him. My whole life should be marked by my call for and relationship with the Lover of my Soul.


Third, I do not have to worry whether He will hear me or not because He already promised me He will.


Fourth, I will find Him when I seek Him with all my heart. So my job is not only to seek Him, but to seek Him with all my heart. Let me say something quick here. Your thoughts and actions are a reflection of what's in your heart. If you are not seeking the Lord and are seeking other things, those things occupy a bigger space in your heart than God Himself. If you truly wanted Him, you would seek Him... You know what I mean, seek Him instead of Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr or people...


Fifth, all of our fortunes will be restored when we seek Him and and find Him. Throughout the whole Love Story of the Bible, there are numerous of blessings that follow those who seek the Lord with all their hearts. But there are also many misfortunes for the ones who turn away from the Lord.


Why don't we get this? We are not like the Israelites back then. We have Holy Spirit living inside us and we have the privilege of having an amazing and vibrant relationship with GOD! Why do we still try to cut corners or change Biblical principles that will stand forever?



Seek the Lord. And seek Him today. Seek Him with all your heart.

"Come, everyone who thirsts, 

come to the waters;
and he who has no money,
    come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
    without money and without price.

Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,
    and your labor for that which does not satisfy?
Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good,
    and delight yourselves in rich food.

Incline your ear, and come to me;
    hear, that your soul may live;
and I will make with you an everlasting covenant,
    my steadfast, sure love for David.

“Seek the Lord while he may be found;
    call upon him while he is near;

let the wicked forsake his way,
    and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him,
    and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:1-3, 6-9

Another Confession: The Parts That Need To Die

Because I am no longer the woman in this picture- not at all

If you are a close friend of mine you know to be true that for the past 2 months I have encountered a rise in my faith. I have enjoyed a deeper level of relationship with Jesus Christ. I have dedicated my time to encourage those around me to rise up in their faith as well. The love and manifest presence of Jesus I've experienced is like never before. It is evident that the Lord has done something powerful in me; something that only He can do.

But as I have been reflecting in amazement at the goodness of God, I have also encountered battles with my flesh and my soul. This is my confession about the parts of myself that still need to die. The following are the parts that haven't yet caught up to what the Lord has done in my spirit.

I'm letting anxiety rule my life

I have been so busy. The projects the Lord has placed on my life are incredible. But even though I walk in the peace of God for the most part, I still let anxiety rule me. When this happens I am very aware that I need to release it and give it to the Lord. And I don't! What is wrong with me? It's like I'm saying: Thanks Jesus, but no thanks. Why would I choose my ways above His? At the end of the project, when I meet the deadline, I realize it was not that serious. I let myself be worked up for nothing. I need to let Holy Spirit lead me and fill me in every endeavor. I need to kick anxiety out! Not only is anxiety my enemy, but it also reveals my lack of trust in Christ with every area of my life.

I'm not getting up in the morning because "I'm tired"

I have a difficult living situation and I'm using that as an excuse to not spend quality alone time with Jesus. If you are like me, you cry when you pray. You have to travail before the King. I actually need to weep before Him. I miss Him when I am not in deep connection with Him. When I am alone with Him, I get to be in heaven and experience His manifest glory. There is nothing like it. But even though I know I need that, I STILL don't get up! I use so many excuses- good ones even. But you know what lets me know they're just excuses? Because if I needed to minister to someone at that time, I would get up and do it. So why don't I get up for the King of kings??! Something in my heart needs to die.

I'm prioritizing ministry above my relationship with God

It has been so amazing to walk in my authority and calling. I cherish every encounter, conversation and prophetic word. I also cherish the quality and depth of the relationships God has given me. But I stand God up on our dates to go minister to someone I know is in need. The worse thing is that after I've ministered to them, I don't prioritize making up that time. I feel the Holy Spirit for that ministerial encounter and I think it's enough. It's NEVER enough! I need Jesus so much. I need Him all the time. I crave sabbathing with Him always. There will always be people in need on this side of heaven. But my engagement to Him is forever. He comes first.


I'm letting my mind contemplate my old relationship and life

I am not who I used to be. I am a new creation in Jesus. But I still find myself thinking about my old relationship. I'm letting the same patterns of thinking rule me and my emotions take over. One minute I could be completely happy and content with my life. The next minute I am incredibly sad and I want to call my ex and tell him. The interesting thing is that my spirit recognizes the falsehood of it all. Even when I get "sad" I'm not really sad. I am fully aware that if I let my Spirit-filled spirit take over, I will be my true self again. This happens when I get anxious as well. This is because I  am no longer an anxious person, or a sad person, or a hopeless person. I am a new person. I am filled with joy, love, peace, etc. In fact! I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places.

So what is the answer?

"But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:20-25 

I am putting it off..... goodbye old Anel! All of my deceitful desires have NO place in my life. As soon as they try to come my way, they will be shut down. Anxiety is not allowed in my mind and heart. Neither is discouragement. Why are they not welcomed? Because they're not who I am.

I'm being renewed in the spirit of my mind... hello new Anel! The Word of God says that my new self is created in the likeness of God. Wow! That is whole new level of righteousness, holiness, confidence and authority. It is also a new level of faith, peace and joy. This is who I am.

I am putting the things in my life that don't belong to death. How about you?

Confession: I Wasn't A Faithful Christian

I don't know if I can remember the countless times I have made vows to the Lord. I said to Him: "Lord, I will pray every day for X amount of time. I will fast. I will be faithful. I won't do this again. I won't be distracted by the things of the world anymore, bla bla bla".

I did the whole Jonah thing every year, several times a year. I've been a Christian for 13 years so you do the math. I felt like a failure at this Christian living. It wasn't just about me not keeping my promises to God. It was also about believing that this was "just the way that it was supposed to be". I cannot tell you the countless times the Lord did amazing things for me. He dug me out of pits that were far too deep for me to come out of myself. Everything he did supernaturally stayed with me. It was an eternal imprint. But why didn't I sustain it? I didn't know how to and sometimes I just didn't want to. This is the reason I stopped binging on sermons or going to Christian events for a "high". I was tired of the temporary things and I knew I needed more. It wasn't for the lack of trying. My friends will tell you of the crazy commitments I would make. I would really truly wake up at 4am every day, read my Bible, pray and worship for at least 4 hours every day. I would truly do it. But no plans I could ever make were ever perfect- or constant. How can it be that God does something amazing in me and that I take measures to keep my freedom, but I still end up bound again?

The problem is that we don't understand Christian living. See, we were made to live with Him. The gospel was never meant to be just an experience. We were created to have a vibrant on-going and exciting relationship with Him. If I start quoting Bible verses that reflect this I would NEVER end! I am convinced now more than ever that the reason we don't get to keep our freedom for all of the amazing things the Lord does in our lives, is because of us!

First of all, we are not committed to living holy and obedient lives. But even if we do strive to live holy lives, we want to do it our way. We want to set our own parameters for what it means to be holy. No matter what you try to do, there is no way of getting around it! Our hearts need to be fully and completely in love and submitted to Jesus. But a heart that is fully and completely submitted to Jesus knows first that it is loved. Did you know that most Christians do not receive the love of God? No. We'd rather earn love than receive it freely. We have disbelief, doubt and pride to the core of our beings. It all happens in a chain of events:

We don't believe God loves us freely. We don't believe we have been made new creations in Him. We don't receive God's love. We can't love ourselves. We can't love others. We resort to our human logic and plans.

The second thing we do is that we compromise! We want the gospel to be comfortable and it was never meant to be comfortable! Full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control? Yes! But comfortability? Most definitely not. We live in disobedience. We have no idea who our God is. It truly pains my heart. I have lived 13 years of my Christian life this way too but

I got tired.

Not only was I proven over and over again that all passes away but God, but I also knew that I had to change the way I was doing things and start living with Him. Every day. Did you know that wherever I am, God is there too with me? He loves me so much. He never wants to leave me. And I never want to leave Him. I want to be with Him all the time. I want to take out of my life anything and everything that separates me from Him or that doesn't allow me to have His presence always. It is so amazing to walk with Him and rely on Him. I still strive to wake up at 4am every day but even when I don't, it's okay. He never leaves me. I can talk to Him all day. It is so fun. I get to be grateful for the little things and watch Him perform miracles all throughout my day. It is the most amazing thing to walk with Jesus.

Have you tried it? You should. Lay down your life and follow Him. Maybe we'll get to tag-team one day being about our Father's business. I love you. Whoever you are. The Lord loves you so much. Let's have fun and watch heaven come.