The Relationship Lie

When I was 7 years old, I used to watch a lot of soap operas with my family. It is a common thing to watch soap operas in a Hispanic household. I was young and still learning the difference between what was real and what was fantasy. I remember my mother would answer my questions about how women get pregnant. She said that men and women get married and then they would finally kiss. When they kissed on their wedding day, that kiss made the woman become pregnant and then they had a baby.

One day, I was playing with my older male cousin. We ended up hiding underneath a bunk bed we had in the kitchen. When we were underneath the bed, I had the grand idea to tell him that we should pretend we are in a soap opera. So we kissed in the mouth. It wasn't until it happened that it dawned on me that was probably not a great idea. And then I remembered what my mother told me. I wasn't supposed to kiss anyone until my wedding day. Now I was pregnant- or so I thought. (Isn't a child's mind funny like that?)

I came out from under the bed and stood up. I was determined to not talk to my cousin again. I looked at my belly and put my hand on it. Then I said: "Don't worry. I'll find a father for you." It was all very dramatic, but it was very real in my head. I thought that hidden cameras followed people around and that's how they would end up on the television. Therefore, everything I did was extra dramatic, just as I observed in the soap operas.

Eventually, I grew out of this phase. Yet, I didn't realize how much of an impact the media had on my view of relationships.

I wrote letters to a fictional soap opera character when I was 13. I fell obsessively in love with a young man who had dissociative personality disorder. My first boyfriend was a man 8 years older than me whom I tried to put in the category of a savior or rescuer. Then I fell obsessively in love again with someone who catfished me. My last boyfriend was the most "normal" one, yet again it was a relationship full of drama and intense emotions. God protected me so much, but I forced myself into dysfunctional dramatic relationships. Part of the reason was my own dysfunction, my brokenness and the absence of a father's love. But a lot of it was also the construct of the media.

Have you ever thought about how what you have watched and experienced has influenced your view of relationships? Who teaches us how to have healthy relationships but Christ?

Ponder upon your view of every type of relationship in your life: Parent-Offspring, Significant other, Friend, Sibling, etc. Who taught you how to have these relationships? Do these relationships work for you or do they leave something to be desired?

Next week, I will write a post titled: "I Wanted Everyone Around Me To Give Me What Only God Could".