The Relationship Lie

When I was 7 years old, I used to watch a lot of soap operas with my family. It is a common thing to watch soap operas in a Hispanic household. I was young and still learning the difference between what was real and what was fantasy. I remember my mother would answer my questions about how women get pregnant. She said that men and women get married and then they would finally kiss. When they kissed on their wedding day, that kiss made the woman become pregnant and then they had a baby.

One day, I was playing with my older male cousin. We ended up hiding underneath a bunk bed we had in the kitchen. When we were underneath the bed, I had the grand idea to tell him that we should pretend we are in a soap opera. So we kissed in the mouth. It wasn't until it happened that it dawned on me that was probably not a great idea. And then I remembered what my mother told me. I wasn't supposed to kiss anyone until my wedding day. Now I was pregnant- or so I thought. (Isn't a child's mind funny like that?)

I came out from under the bed and stood up. I was determined to not talk to my cousin again. I looked at my belly and put my hand on it. Then I said: "Don't worry. I'll find a father for you." It was all very dramatic, but it was very real in my head. I thought that hidden cameras followed people around and that's how they would end up on the television. Therefore, everything I did was extra dramatic, just as I observed in the soap operas.

Eventually, I grew out of this phase. Yet, I didn't realize how much of an impact the media had on my view of relationships.

I wrote letters to a fictional soap opera character when I was 13. I fell obsessively in love with a young man who had dissociative personality disorder. My first boyfriend was a man 8 years older than me whom I tried to put in the category of a savior or rescuer. Then I fell obsessively in love again with someone who catfished me. My last boyfriend was the most "normal" one, yet again it was a relationship full of drama and intense emotions. God protected me so much, but I forced myself into dysfunctional dramatic relationships. Part of the reason was my own dysfunction, my brokenness and the absence of a father's love. But a lot of it was also the construct of the media.

Have you ever thought about how what you have watched and experienced has influenced your view of relationships? Who teaches us how to have healthy relationships but Christ?

Ponder upon your view of every type of relationship in your life: Parent-Offspring, Significant other, Friend, Sibling, etc. Who taught you how to have these relationships? Do these relationships work for you or do they leave something to be desired?

Next week, I will write a post titled: "I Wanted Everyone Around Me To Give Me What Only God Could".

The Truth Lie

When I was in 7th grade, I was in a class with 53 students. The classrooms were very large. The teachers would come to our classroom every time there was a change of period. There was a particular subject called Civics that used to be taught on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I remember the day was a Thursday.

In the middle of changing periods, I stood up and went up to the chalkboard. I began to draw a heart with the chalk. Then I remember feeling a punch hit my back. I turned around and there were 4 students standing behind me. They all responded with a hostile: "What?! Are you trying to say one of us hit you?". I decided to turn back around to the chalkboard, forget it happened and mind my own business. I had been bullied heavily in that school before when I was in 6th grade. I didn't want any trouble to start up again, so I thought that whoever hit me would probably not do it again. When I turned back around to continue to draw hearts, I felt another hand hit me on my right arm. When I turned around, the same thing happened and they reacted hostile. But as I turned, someone else pushed me on my back. When I turned again to see, someone else had hit me on my back again on the other side. More students were added each time, making it difficult to discern what was happening. I was in the middle of being hit by 20 students who yelled and screamed in the middle of changing periods.

When the teacher arrived, she was told that I was hitting students and that I said that I couldn't get in trouble because my aunt was the school's vice principal. I didn't even know they knew my dad was related to the school's vice principal. But once again, this was told to my parents.

I drowned in the lies of many around me. I suffered physical, emotional and mental abuse. To this day, I still wonder sometimes if I actually did say any of those things. I wonder if I was responsible in any way for these things to happen. And I have played this narrative with many other things in my life. I blamed myself for the things that others did to me. I blamed myself for demonic situations the enemy clearly orchestrated around me. And this was his tactic. His strategy was to make me think that I was responsible for things that happened that should have never happened.

Is my truth a lie? No. It's not. It happened. It was real.

Sometimes people do evil things. But God's truth is always there to shield us, to speak to us, to comfort. We are who our Heavenly Father says we are. We are heard and our voice matters. I don't have to make myself loud. I just have to agree with the truth that is spoken over me and the Truth that lives inside of me.

Can you find yourself in this anecdote? What is the truth your Heavenly Father is speaking over you today?

"and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32