The Hard Life Of A Prophet Part 1

My baptism 12 years ago

When I gave my life to Jesus, no one believed me. I was an Atheist and God called me to Himself. No one convinced me. No one preached the Gospel to me. No one made me repeat a prayer. The Holy Spirit touched me, spoke to me and I said I am sorry for not believing in Him with tears in my eyes. I was alone. To be honest, I didn't know much. All I knew was that God was real, that I felt his love and peace and that I never ever wanted to leave Him.

When I began to read the Bible, I ate it up. I remember being in the room I shared with 3 other siblings, reading the gospels, reading the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. I was undone. The more I knew God, the more I wanted Him. I was afraid of God leaving me so I made sure I had Him everywhere I went. I prayed so much. I read the Bible so much. I worshiped so much. I preached so much. It was so common for me to hear the voice of God. Everything he told me was true and real. Everyone he led me to speak to would cry at my words and I did not know why. No one taught me these things.

My first pastor didn't believe I had really accepted Jesus because I didn't go to an altar call. The Lord moved me out of that congregation within a month. My second pastor didn't believe in my gifting and calling. Later on the church voted to have that pastor removed. My third pastor praised my encouraging feel-good message the first time I preached but embarrassed me at my second preaching because it was a call of repentance and righteousness. This is also the same pastor who told me I didn't understood idols because I said we Christians still have other idols in our hearts, not the ones from the Old Testament. The elders later outed that pastor from the church as well.

I was so disappointed in the faith. I loved God but everyone in church told me I was doing Christianity wrong. Besides, our "leaders" were corrupt. They would lie, control and manipulate their congregations. After a period of spiritual dryness, I started attending another church. This one cared more about the Word of God and wasn't very spiritual. Spiritual driven churches had proven to be unreliable. But this pastor who knew the Bible so well never addressed sin in the congregation. His message was: "We're all great! We're just waiting for Jesus!" And my prophetic gifting started kicking again. I was seeing the sins of every person who stepped on that pulpit. I would know what God wanted to do in the midst of the congregation and I would witness Holy Spirit being ignored over and over again.

One of the leaders told me that walking with God everywhere we go (like in our jobs, school, etc.) was great but that it was only for me, because "I was special". One day, the pastor's wife tried to talk to the young girls about sex and never mentioned the Bible. When I mentioned a few verses, she said: "Yes, but we've said that too many times".

Ever since I gave my life to Jesus I've been in pain. Church people don't want the gospel. It scares them. It makes them uncomfortable. I make them uncomfortable.

When I first gave my life to Jesus, I had felt so amazing. I really felt like I had won the lottery. I thought all of my problems would now be solved; that I would get all of my heart's desires but that it would all be to honor God. Little did I know how much rejection and hurt I would receive from my own faith family.

When I went to Nyack College, I was done with ministry and done with church. I wanted nothing to do with it. Within two days, the Lord brought me back to the ministry of prayer, intercession and the prophetic. During the first week He spoke so many words to me through complete strangers. He positioned me to be trained by great and wise leaders who affirmed my calling. It was the first time I didn't feel crazy. I was around prophetic and praying people just like me. I still struggle. I just know more about the struggle.

This is my life: I pray. God tells me who to pray for and how to pray for them. He then tells me specific things about people and things that are happening. I ask Him questions and he gives me answers. Sometimes He gives me Bible passages I don't remember reading and those passages contain the answers to my questions. He tells me to say things to people I don't know. He tells me how to pray and intercede during the services. He shows me things that people are struggling with. He tells me what He wants to do. But people don't know what to do with that. Their minds are so invested in the affairs of this world or how they think things should be like that they completely miss what God wants to do.

Prophets are needed people. But prophets are lonely people. I have tried so hard to fit in and have a normal life. I've tried to be successful. I've tried to have a normal boyfriend and a normal life. It doesn't work. I have failed at every attempt. I am Jonah. Sometimes, I am also Elijah. I see God do miraculous things and I'm so tired of the persecution I don't want my life. I am Jeremiah. I am Habakkuk. I weep. I cry. I love so much, so very much, but no one but God loves me back like that. This love is meant for ministry, because if you are ministering to the people of God, you need to love them with the love of God. It hurts me more than most people when the people of God are fighting among each other, when they go after idols, when they bring shame to the name of God. I weep. Alone. God is my comfort. My only reward is delighting myself in Him. Being a prophet is the hardest thing I could be, and that's what I am.

Next week, I will share some Biblical characteristics of the lives of prophets. Thank you for joining me in this journey of obeying God and writing about my life.