The Hard Life Of A Prophet Part 2

I want to take a time to look at Biblical accounts that give us some characteristics pertaining the life of a prophet. One thing we can all agree on is that a prophet's life is not an easy life.


Prophets get TIRED

Let's take a look at one of the most famous prophets: Elijah. His ministry was like no other. He would pray and it wouldn't rain. He would pray and fire would fall from heaven. He would pray and consume whole armies. You would think: "Wow, a man with that kind of power would have no problems!" But if we look a the Biblical accounts, we find that there was a spiritual and emotional turmoil that Elijah was going through.

Ahab told Jezebel all that Elijah had done, and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. Then Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah, saying, “So may the gods do to me and more also, if I do not make your life as the life of one of them by this time tomorrow.” Then he was afraid, and he arose and ran for his life and came to Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there. But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.” And he lay down and slept under a broom tree. And behold, an angel touched him and said to him, “Arise and eat.” And he looked, and behold, there was at his head a cake baked on hot stones and a jar of water. And he ate and drank and lay down again. And the angel of the Lord came again a second time and touched him and said, “Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you.” And he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mount of God. 1 Kings 19:1-8

Why didn't Elijah have confidence that God would deliver him from the hands of Jezebel just as he had confidence that God would rain fire down from heaven? We have asked ourselves that question over and over again. The truth is that even if someone is a prophet of God, they are still human. We still get tired. We make mistakes. And since the office of a prophet demands so much from one, it is actually very common for prophets to become tired. This is why the Lord put him in a place of rest and nourishment. I have been in this place many many times. I didn't understand why God didn't just take my life, but instead He strengthened me. As a prophet, I'd like to skip the part of "take my life Lord" when my soul gets weary. Instead, I want to run to His arms and rest. I want to say: "Strengthen me Lord for my soul is weary".

Prophets suffer because of the people

Elijah himself confessed it in verse 10 of the same chapter:

He said, “I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.”

It is very hard for a prophet to hear the words of the Lord and know the heart of God and not lament. Since the beginning of time we have been unfaithful to God over and over again. Prophets hear of this and live it with the people. Hosea had to marry a prostitute. Samuel had to anoint Saul even though he knew what would happen next. Jeremiah lamented with the Lord. Let's look at these hard words the Lord was saying about Israel to Jeremiah:

The Lord said to me in the days of King Josiah: “Have you seen what she did, that faithless one, Israel, how she went up on every high hill and under every green tree, and there played the whore? And I thought, ‘After she has done all this she will return to me,’ but she did not return, and her treacherous sister Judah saw it. She saw that for all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce. Yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but she too went and played the whore. Because she took her whoredom lightly, she polluted the land, committing adultery with stone and tree. Yet for all this her treacherous sister Judah did not return to me with her whole heart, but in pretense, declares the Lord.” Jeremiah 3:6-10

How can we read this and not want to weep and lament? Prophets carry the burdens of the people. Sometimes, they are almost too much to carry.

Prophets see things others don't see

They get to see mysteries of heaven they themselves don't even understand yet:

In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to another and said:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts;
the whole earth is full of his glory!”

And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!”

Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for.” Isaiah 6:1-6

They also see the plans of God beyond what makes sense to mankind:

When they came, he looked on Eliab and thought, “Surely the Lord's anointed is before him.” But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” Then Jesse called Abinadab and made him pass before Samuel. And he said, “Neither has the Lord chosen this one.” Then Jesse made Shammah pass by. And he said, “Neither has the Lord chosen this one.” And Jesse made seven of his sons pass before Samuel. And Samuel said to Jesse, “The Lord has not chosen these.” Then Samuel said to Jesse, “Are all your sons here?” And he said, “There remains yet the youngest, but behold, he is keeping the sheep.” And Samuel said to Jesse, “Send and get him, for we will not sit down till he comes here.” And he sent and brought him in. Now he was ruddy and had beautiful eyes and was handsome. And the Lord said, “Arise, anoint him, for this is he.” Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers. And the Spirit of the Lord rushed upon David from that day forward. And Samuel rose up and went to Ramah. 1 Samuel 16:1-13

They are always hearing, seeing and sensing the things of the Lord. That does not happen on a regular basis to people unless they are tuned into the things of God. Today, even though not everyone is a prophet, everyone believer can prophesy through the Holy Spirit poured out to us.

Prophets lead very lonely lives.

Very rarely do we see that prophets were married. Most of them were sanctified and set apart unto the Lord for this very purpose. This was the case with almost all of them. The only prophets I can remember being married were Isaiah, Deborah and Huldah.

And I went to the prophetess, and she conceived and bore a son. Then the Lord said to me, “Call his name Maher-shalal-hash-baz; for before the boy knows how to cry ‘My father’ or ‘My mother,’ the wealth of Damascus and the spoil of Samaria will be carried away before the king of Assyria.” Isaiah 8:3-4

Now Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lappidoth, was judging Israel at that time. Judges 4:4

So Hilkiah the priest, and Ahikam, and Achbor, and Shaphan, and Asaiah went to Huldah the prophetess, the wife of Shallum the son ofTikvah, son of Harhas, keeper of the wardrobe (now she lived in Jerusalem in the Second Quarter), and they talked with her. 2 Kings 22:14

Hosea was also married. But he married a prostitute according to the word  of the Lord. I don't think Hosea had much in common with her, though he loved her. He, too, was lonely.

When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea, “Go, take to yourself a wife of whoredom and have children of whoredom, for the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the Lord.” So he went and took Gomer, the daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son. Hosea 1:2-3

Prophets are called to a higher level of submission and holiness

 And he went after the man of God and found him sitting under an oak. And he said to him, “Are you the man of God who came from Judah?” And he said, “I am.” Then he said to him, “Come home with me and eat bread.” And he said, “I may not return with you, or go in with you, neither will I eat bread nor drink water with you in this place, 17 for it was said to me by the word of the Lord, ‘You shall neither eat bread nor drink water there, nor return by the way that you came.’” And he said to him, “I also am a prophet as you are, and an angel spoke to me by the word of the Lord, saying, ‘Bring him back with you into your house that he may eat bread and drink water.’” But he lied to him. So he went back with him and ate bread in his house and drank water.

And as they sat at the table, the word of the Lord came to the prophet who had brought him back. And he cried to the man of God who came from Judah, “Thus says the Lord, ‘Because you have disobeyed the word of the Lord and have not kept the command that the Lord your God commanded you, but have come back and have eaten bread and drunk water in the place of which he said to you, “Eat no bread and drink no water,” your body shall not come to the tomb of your fathers.’” And after he had eaten bread and drunk, he saddled the donkey for the prophet whom he had brought back. And as he went away a lion met him on the road and killed him. And his body was thrown in the road, and the donkey stood beside it; the lion also stood beside the body. 1 Kings 13:14-24

This account is so serious. It prompts me to never ever disobey the voice of the Lord. I have done it in the past. But I discovered this story recently in addition to many of other things that happened to me. God calls us to another level of obedience. This was the case with Daniel and many others. Disobeying the voice of God can cost a lot. It costed Moses not seeing the promised land. God knows how many things I have missed because I did not obey the voice of God. He is rich in mercy and has been incredibly loving and merciful toward me. I never want to take that for granted.

I hope this has given you but a little insight into the life of a prophet. I wrote purely out of what I know. I hope my journey helps you whether you are a prophet or a friend of one. It is a hard life. It requires a lot of discipline and the right God-ordained people around us. Do not faint. The Lord has promised you joy and His joy can be your strength. He has also promised you a future and a hope. He will strengthen you like He did to Elijah and Jonah. He is your God also, not just the God of the ones you minister to. Take a hold of His blessings. They are for you.

Lastly, do not run away from your call. Wherever you go, there you are, and there's your call. Call yourself a Prophet. Whether you admit it or not, you are. Be a prophet. Be you.

The Hard Life Of A Prophet Part 1

My baptism 12 years ago

When I gave my life to Jesus, no one believed me. I was an Atheist and God called me to Himself. No one convinced me. No one preached the Gospel to me. No one made me repeat a prayer. The Holy Spirit touched me, spoke to me and I said I am sorry for not believing in Him with tears in my eyes. I was alone. To be honest, I didn't know much. All I knew was that God was real, that I felt his love and peace and that I never ever wanted to leave Him.

When I began to read the Bible, I ate it up. I remember being in the room I shared with 3 other siblings, reading the gospels, reading the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. I was undone. The more I knew God, the more I wanted Him. I was afraid of God leaving me so I made sure I had Him everywhere I went. I prayed so much. I read the Bible so much. I worshiped so much. I preached so much. It was so common for me to hear the voice of God. Everything he told me was true and real. Everyone he led me to speak to would cry at my words and I did not know why. No one taught me these things.

My first pastor didn't believe I had really accepted Jesus because I didn't go to an altar call. The Lord moved me out of that congregation within a month. My second pastor didn't believe in my gifting and calling. Later on the church voted to have that pastor removed. My third pastor praised my encouraging feel-good message the first time I preached but embarrassed me at my second preaching because it was a call of repentance and righteousness. This is also the same pastor who told me I didn't understood idols because I said we Christians still have other idols in our hearts, not the ones from the Old Testament. The elders later outed that pastor from the church as well.

I was so disappointed in the faith. I loved God but everyone in church told me I was doing Christianity wrong. Besides, our "leaders" were corrupt. They would lie, control and manipulate their congregations. After a period of spiritual dryness, I started attending another church. This one cared more about the Word of God and wasn't very spiritual. Spiritual driven churches had proven to be unreliable. But this pastor who knew the Bible so well never addressed sin in the congregation. His message was: "We're all great! We're just waiting for Jesus!" And my prophetic gifting started kicking again. I was seeing the sins of every person who stepped on that pulpit. I would know what God wanted to do in the midst of the congregation and I would witness Holy Spirit being ignored over and over again.

One of the leaders told me that walking with God everywhere we go (like in our jobs, school, etc.) was great but that it was only for me, because "I was special". One day, the pastor's wife tried to talk to the young girls about sex and never mentioned the Bible. When I mentioned a few verses, she said: "Yes, but we've said that too many times".

Ever since I gave my life to Jesus I've been in pain. Church people don't want the gospel. It scares them. It makes them uncomfortable. I make them uncomfortable.

When I first gave my life to Jesus, I had felt so amazing. I really felt like I had won the lottery. I thought all of my problems would now be solved; that I would get all of my heart's desires but that it would all be to honor God. Little did I know how much rejection and hurt I would receive from my own faith family.

When I went to Nyack College, I was done with ministry and done with church. I wanted nothing to do with it. Within two days, the Lord brought me back to the ministry of prayer, intercession and the prophetic. During the first week He spoke so many words to me through complete strangers. He positioned me to be trained by great and wise leaders who affirmed my calling. It was the first time I didn't feel crazy. I was around prophetic and praying people just like me. I still struggle. I just know more about the struggle.

This is my life: I pray. God tells me who to pray for and how to pray for them. He then tells me specific things about people and things that are happening. I ask Him questions and he gives me answers. Sometimes He gives me Bible passages I don't remember reading and those passages contain the answers to my questions. He tells me to say things to people I don't know. He tells me how to pray and intercede during the services. He shows me things that people are struggling with. He tells me what He wants to do. But people don't know what to do with that. Their minds are so invested in the affairs of this world or how they think things should be like that they completely miss what God wants to do.

Prophets are needed people. But prophets are lonely people. I have tried so hard to fit in and have a normal life. I've tried to be successful. I've tried to have a normal boyfriend and a normal life. It doesn't work. I have failed at every attempt. I am Jonah. Sometimes, I am also Elijah. I see God do miraculous things and I'm so tired of the persecution I don't want my life. I am Jeremiah. I am Habakkuk. I weep. I cry. I love so much, so very much, but no one but God loves me back like that. This love is meant for ministry, because if you are ministering to the people of God, you need to love them with the love of God. It hurts me more than most people when the people of God are fighting among each other, when they go after idols, when they bring shame to the name of God. I weep. Alone. God is my comfort. My only reward is delighting myself in Him. Being a prophet is the hardest thing I could be, and that's what I am.

Next week, I will share some Biblical characteristics of the lives of prophets. Thank you for joining me in this journey of obeying God and writing about my life.

My Past: Ugly. Worthless. Used. Ashamed.

Picture from my High School years

On June 22nd, I celebrated 13 years of becoming a Christian. It is a great testimony of a teenage Atheist coming to faith in Christ. However, I'm not going to talk about my conversion story today. I'm going to tell you about where I was 13 years ago and I am going to be very vulnerable about it.

I was suicidal and depressed. I was 16 years of age. I had so much anger. I hated my own dad and had constant fights with my family. I was "dating" this guy who brought me to church. That was, naturally, a good thing. However, this was also the same guy who led me to cross relationship boundaries. Back then, I didn't know I was taken advantaged off. However, I convinced myself that I wanted these boundaries to be crossed. I also convinced myself I was going to marry him. He was, after all, the one who brought me to church, so he must be my husband, I thought.

I became so committed to the Lord, but I also found out this guy wasn't. I left the relationship hoping God would change him and bring us together. That never happened. Instead, the Lord kept confirming that he was not who he had for me.

Though the Lord had saved me from a bad relationship, I felt so much disappointment and shame. I felt dirty and unwanted. I already had my share fare of issues with men. Now I had even more. My own dad taught me it was okay to be hit and humiliated. Now I had more lies added to my list. I grew up thinking the worst about men. My anger grew toward every man who looked down on me or desired me. I hid myself from the opposite sex for years. I harbored anger and resentment but most of all, I harbored shame.

I gained weight. I hated my body. I didn't want to be attractive in any way. I felt incredibly violated by the men who looked at me. I wanted to be unnoticed. And I went unnoticed for 6 years.

I thought I could hide behind my weight and my glasses and no man would notice me. Shame was all over my body. But there was more. In 2010, I began another relationship with another broken man. This man was a complete stranger from California. The relationship lasted 2 years and it broke my heart in the worst way at the time. I have a knack for wholly loving men who could never wholly love me back. But I thought I could love enough for the both of us and that we'd still get married someday.

When that relationship ended, all of those feelings of guilt and shame came rushing back to me. I hid again. I gained more weight. I even cut my hair really short. I felt so much pain I went to bed crying every night. I believed I was ugly, used and unwanted. I was hurting so deeply and I was hungry for intimacy. I was scared regardless. So I hid.

I was unattractive and there was no need to put any effort into what I wore. I did not want to be seen, even though deeply, I did.

Then, the Lord began to heal me. He began to give me brothers in Christ. I began to see there are good men out there. I didn't want to be with any of these men. I also still didn't feel remotely attractive. But I had brothers now. The Lord also began to give me spiritual fathers. He began to reveal Himself to me as my Heavenly Father. He showed me that He is nothing like my earthly father. He even began to heal my relationship with my own dad. So many male wounds were being healed.

Then... guess what? The most amazing thing happened. Soon after that, I also began the journey of believing I was pretty. 

So I began to adorn myself here and there. It was, however, a process. Slowly but surely I began to embrace my femininity and I added color and style to my wardrobe.

By the time John came into my life, I was sure I was one of the prettiest females the Lord had ever created. I wasn't afraid to be seen. I was confident. I was happy. I was unafraid to go into a store and buy a pretty dress. I wasn't afraid to love again. I was unashamed of saying "I like you" or "I love you" whenever I wanted to.

There was no shame in being who I was. I loved myself and I loved my relationship.

John was the first man I kissed in 11 years. And once again, I loved ruthlessly. I thought he was the one I was waiting for and that we'd get married for sure.

But then it ended. And it shattered parts of me you may never fully understand. The pain from this broken relationship shook my emotions and brought me back to a very dark place. I felt just as I did in High School: Worthless. Used. I felt useless and ashamed. Wanting to die most of the time. I also started gaining weight again. I was empty and angry. I cried to the Lord and he comforted me, but the comfort wouldn't last. What was happening?!

My eyes were opened and I finally saw the truth. The problem was that I let the lies of my past dictate my life in the present. I allowed the enemy to lie to me about my identity in Christ. 

See, I am still the redeemed jewel of the Lord. I am still incredibly beautiful. I still have the capacity to love. My calling and ministry have not changed. My desire to love people ruthlessly has not changed. But how can you do all of those things when you regress to a past where you didn't know your identity? You can't. 

You need to choose to reject the lies and walk in the truth. You need to choose Jesus. I stopped regressing. I tossed the lies of my past and began to walk in the Truth. 

Who am I? I am a Daughter of the Living God who is King of kings. I am fearless. I am joyful. I am confident and secure. There is only one decision between being who I was 13 years ago and being who I truly am: Faith. 

The enemy wants me to believe I am ugly and worthless. He wants me to be ashamed and beat down. He wants me to hide in my shame and not run to my Redeemer. He doesn't want me to walk in my identity. But I was bought with a price and I am free. Even better, I belong to the One who set me free. No one can snatch me from His hands. It is He who covers my shame. He makes my sins as white as snow and puts me on display as his Bride.

So what happens now? Now I will reclaim all the ground the enemy took from me. Watch me.

I will restore to you the years
    that the swarming locust has eaten,
the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter,
    my great army, which I sent among you.

“You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied,
    and praise the name of the Lord your God,
    who has dealt wondrously with you.
And my people shall never again be put to shame. You shall know that I am in the midst of Israel,
    and that I am the Lord your God and there is none else.
And my people shall never again be put to shame. Joel 2:25-27