The Rejection Lie

 

Today, I want to tell you a story about rejection. 

When I was in 6th and 7th grade, I experienced the worst bullying experience. I was called all sorts of names and was beaten. My parents were called and told I was fighting in school. So my mother would beat me up again when I got home and my father would humiliate me at the dinner table.

I wanted to disappear.

I felt so rejected I tried to turn everywhere for attention and affection. I thought I would get my attention and affection from friends. But I was often rejected and replaced by my close friends too. My friend Claribel would visit my house with two other friends for the purpose of making fun of the way I lived. My friend Gisselle replaced me for another friend and was busy chasing after boys. And then I decided to make friends with two girls I didn’t have much in common with.

One day, those two friends decided to have a conversation with me. Their names were Walkiria and Bety. They had to speak to me about something. First, they told me they wanted to be honest with me. They asked me if I brushed my teeth. I said yes. Then they said I had bad breath. I took it well, but I never forgot it. I said I would make sure I brushed my teeth really well moving forward.

About a week later, they decided to have another conversation with me. This time, they told me they didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. They wanted it to be just them. I couldn’t believe I was being rejected again.

A few days after that happened, I was walking toward the lunch room hungry, not expecting to eat. Walkiria was right next to me. I then saw 10 dominican pesos on the ground. I stopped walking and stopped Walkiria. I said: “Look!” She said: “Wow” and then she quickly picked up the 10 pesos. I reached to grab it from her and she said the 10 pesos were hers and that she would be willing to share 2 or 3 pesos out of her 10. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe this was happening. And then I realized I didn’t really want to be friends with someone like that anyways.

I spent most of my childhood by myself. I spent my time fantasizing about how things could be. My fantasies became better than my realities. I was very smart but I wasn’t a great student. I preferred to tune out of anything and everything that wasn’t pleasant. Soon, this became my default mechanism. I learned to live in my head trying to prove myself to those around me when I was interacting with them.

The lie that I wasn’t good enough, that nobody liked me, that there was something deeply wrong with me was embedded within me. Those years were the defining factors for all my self-esteem and self-worth. I believed that I was better for what I could do for people than for who I was. I didn’t believe there was importance to my personhood. To this day, I brush my teeth thoroughly twice in the morning and I pop cough drops all day.

It takes a lot for someone to just be themselves. It takes a lot because the enemy makes sure he orchestrates lies right at the moment of conception. If he can’t cause a physical abortion, he will try to abort the plans of God for our lives in our emotions and identity. It took until December 29th, 2018 for me to be pleased with who I am and not what I do. It’s been a long journey but nothing changed until I began to agree with the truth that God said about me.

God made me amazing. And I believe it. Every bit of it. I believe it whether others agree with me or not. I believe it whether I fail or succeed at something. I am incredible. And this is a reflection of how talented my Maker is.

I am attaching to this post a final presentation I did in the Spring of 2014. It was Nyack College’s Rite of Passage named Woman. My presentation has a lot to do with my journey and stepping into Identity and Womanhood.

Today, you can make the deliberate choice to go into your past and let God unveil the lies you believed. You make this choice not for the purpose of throwing a pity party for yourself. You do this so that God can heal you, so that God can speak truth into your life and so that you can come into agreement with this truth.

Choose to let God deeply heal you today. Choose to be who you really are; all of who you are.

 

Your hands have made and fashioned me;
    give me understanding that I may learn your commandments. Psalm 119:73 ESV

 

Here is my presentation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHsYU0NIRq4