On Tuesday, at Times Square House of Prayer, the glory came to inhabit our praises. It was such a thick presence we were all deep into our own moment with God, receiving revelation from heaven. I couldn't stop crying the next day. I had this intense desire for God. I was having this realization that I belong to Him and I belong in heaven, that I'm here on this earth but for a moment. I had to work all day on Wednesday and I didn't really know how to be with God throughout it all. I have lived on this earth and been a part of this culture for so long, my mind does not really know how to operate from a heavenly mindset.
So after Tuesday, I began a quest to shift my mind and lifestyle toward the heavenly call. But there are a few things that I have bumped into along the way since Tuesday. The first one of them is the flesh.
"For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." Romans 7:14:15
The flesh does not want to submit to God or to the heavenly call. It has to literally be forced to serve God. The flesh also does a very good job keeping you busy and feeding you anything that is not God, His Word or His Spirit. The flesh will think of a million things you have to do until you're so filled with tasks, you forget how much you hunger after God.
Hunger. That's a word.
- 1a : a craving or urgent need for food or a specific nutrientb : an uneasy sensation occasioned by the lack of foodc : a weakened condition brought about by prolonged lack of food
- 2: a strong desire
That is the Merriam-Webster's definition of hunger.
Have you ever heard people say that they are hungry for God? I am pretty sure you have. But have you ever seen someone hungry for God? What does someone who is hungry for God look like? They can't wait to commune with God. They long for Him day and night. They long for His presence.
Can I be honest with you?
I haven't been very hungry lately. Actually, I have felt fairly fine. I have been okay encountering God only sometimes, knowing full well I need more of Him. I have been fine ruling over certain areas of my life and just letting Him rule some others.
See, I know full well He is calling me to a higher level of surrender. But there is not much hunger. I haven't been longing for Him day and night. I hunger for Him usually once in the day. But the rest of the day, I'm calling the shots. I call on Him to minister to other people while there are other areas of my life I leave Him out of. Those areas could be work, to-do lists, relationships, my thinking patterns, etc. I know that I want to spend more time with Him, but I only want to spend alone time with Him when there's no one in my house. If there are people there or if I'm outside, it's too hard for me, or rather, it's too hard for my flesh.
I have blamed a lot of it on my circumstances. But truly they are just excuses. Even when I find myself in favorable conditions, I self-sabotage. I don't know what to do for hours in a quiet house, where I can pray and worship as much as I want without interruption. When I have that, I find myself getting busy again. I think about a million things I need to do. I check Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Whatssap, you name it. There is so much to be distracted with I never really get hungry for God, like really hungry.
And I want to be hungry. And I need to be hungry. I need to live a life worthy of my call. I need to desire to live out my heavenly citizenship. I desire Him. I do. But desiring Him that much requires a complete change of my mind, heart and behavior. I want to wake up hungry and I want to go to sleep hungry.
So, I'm letting Him change everything. It's a slow process but everything is about to get shifted in my life. My thinking patterns, my emotions, my habits and relationships. He is changing everything. This is the level of hunger He requires. This is the level of surrender He requires. This is the level where Jesus is Lord over everything. This is the level where my flesh is starved. This is the level where I quit wasting time on Facebook or Twitter, checking on Trump's tweets. This is the level where things that don't matter really truly cease to matter. This is the level where I hunger so much after Him I talk to Him and worship Him whether there is noise in my house or not. This is the level where I cling to Him regardless of my circumstances. This is the level of living a life worthy of my call.
I am doing this, because at the end of the day I don't just want Him, I must have Him.
"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you." Philippians 3:8-14
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