Self

I haven't written here in a while. I have been exploring several things. One of the things I have been exploring lately is the self. I realized no one really knows who they are. Everyone attempts to impress one another. In order to get recognized or to get some attention we often hurt one another. I have realized how much I have allowed people's lives and opinions to shape me; the way I think, feel, act and the decisions I make. I am making a transition. See, I don't want to be anything anyone else puts on me but at the same time I myself don't know exactly who I am. This is largely in part because of letting other things other than my desires dictate what I do. So I must also not put a label on myself. I should just be. So I will. I will be my Self. No one else can be me but me :)

Autonomy

It has become very evident that my sense of autonomy is scarce. God is the only one who can restore it. For it to be restored I am going to have to get really honest. Honesty takes pain and mourning. I am willing. Take me, Lord.

July!

July is the month where I completely let go and let God lead me into everything He wants me to do and be. I am done controlling my day. I am done controlling everything in my life. My life belongs to God and He will do anything he wants to do. I trust him. He is my catcher. He will give me everything I need. He will make me lie down in peace. He will nourish my soul. He is my God. He is my Father. He is my King, My life is his. I am not making it be his. It simply is. Thank you Father.

Because He loved me first

Today marks the 10th year Anniversary of the most important event that has ever occurred in my life. 10 years ago on a day like today, I gave my life to Jesus Christ. It was a very intimate moment. I spoke to him for over an hour and I was the most sincere and vulnerable I had ever been with anyone in my life. That day changed me. All I could ever desire now is to allow Him to be what He was when I first came to him. He was God without any preconceived notions, without any tarnishes from church, other people's theologies, dilemmas and/or disappointments. He is God over all; and He loved me. Out of all the things he could do he decided to choose me and love me. He made me his daughter. And now my wholeness is comprised in letting him re-parent me, re-love me and re-teach me in the way I was always supposed to be parented, loved and taught.

With God

Living life with God means that I get to talk to Him all the time. It means that I am in communion with him always. It is amazing. I have had so much spontaneous fun with him today. It went from receiving words of affirmation in the morning, to deep conversation with someone else, to reading, to taking photographs, to reflecting, to running, to discovering, to going to the library, to eating frozen yogurt, to shopping, to listening to music, to dancing... I love it. I love you God. I am so very in love with you. You are the object of my affection and my life is fully enjoyed when you remain this way. May you be my source forever.

Lessons from Tango

I didn't realize how much I like to be in control. In this type of dance, the desired outcome cannot be met unless the woman completely trusts her partner. I don't know how to let go and trust. As hard as it is to admit, I don't know how to let go and trust God. In dancing, a man's job is to make the woman look beautiful. But this can only be accomplished when the woman completely trusts that this is indeed what the man is doing. In life, it is Christ's job to make his Bride, the Church, look beautiful. But if she doesn't, it is solely a reflection of how little she trusts Christ. Lord, teach me how to let go and let you make me look beautiful. Teach me how to let go of this control that brings ugliness and more chaos to my life. I want to Tango this life with you. I want you; that everything else flows out of this trusting embrace.

Insightful Now

Breaking all paradigms. An epiphany occurred just now. The reason we set paradigms is because again, we want to feel more in control of this world even though it is clearly impossible to control it. Our God will always be in control. The problem we have had by breaking all paradigms in the past is that we unknowingly fall into another one. We have this need to make something or someone into an idol and sometimes we can make our "freedom" an idol as well. God needs to always be God. The reason for this is because He already is God and if we are to have any freedom, it needs to be based, surrounded and filled with truth. God is God and nor I nor my circumstances can never be that. Everything is limited but the Creator. When I allow God to be in his rightful place, everything else in life falls into place as well. The key is not making the way I relate to God into an idol, this way he can show himself in my life in which ever way he wants to. Wow, this insight is quite a life changer.