Leaving some things in the past; Embracing the things of the future

I think it is pretty interesting to see where God has taken me. My life is at a completely different point than I ever imagined. It is hard to believe I am the same person; yet I still am. I am more me than I've ever been. Yesterday I chose to forget something I have remembered for the past 4 years, something that would've changed my life dramatically. I am glad I did. Today I embrace the tomorrow; a tomorrow full of freedom and ruthless faith. A tomorrow that does not waste time in the inconsistencies of the fantastical possibilities of doom. I say goodbye to Anel the victim and hello to Anel the Hero. Welcome to this side of heaven, true self.

What Is Going On?

Confusing thoughts. Threatening thoughts. Anxiety. Fear. Threat. NONE of it is real. None. How do I fight it? Do I fight it? Or do I call upon Him who is my strong arm? I can hide in Him. I can listen. I can rest. I was made for rest. Why don't I? Why do I insist on living the rat race, the lie, the agitation? I will call upon my Savior. I need a Savior. Come Jesus. Fill your land with peace, joy, faith and strength.

And my vision shut down for a little bit...

I have been doing some research on the brain lately; fascinating stuff. One of the things I found out recently is that whenever you have an "aha moment" a great idea or some sort of epiphany, the right middle part of your brain explodes with electric signals and sends it to all parts of your cerebral cortex. The most interesting thing, however, is that at the same time this happens, the back part of your brain, which is in charge of vision, shuts down for a little bit. So I have titled this entry as it is because... you got it! I had an idea, an "aha moment", an epiphany. Sitting in my room after work, writing down my work schedule for the next week and listening to a TED talk: Sarah Kay. She discovered poetry but more importantly she discovered her own. She said: "I can write about the things only I can write about". And that struck a cord. For most part of my life things have always been about what others want and what others like and what others prefer and how people can like me more. Well, now since they are not, I can finally write about what I want to write about. I can finally write in the way that I want to write, do the things that I want to do, tell the stories only I can tell. And I will. I will tell stories about very many things. And I will so unashamed.

... And then after those electric signals were sent all over my brain, and the back part shut down... it came back up. And it did so that I can write this post and so that you, perhaps could have an aha moment and grace this world with the ideas, personality and creativity your Creator embedded within you. Be blessed.

Quiet

When the world is quiet
currents of living waters flow
through my brain
and they recycle
over and over again
seeming purer but really
 more confident.

My eyes say: flow.

Self

I haven't written here in a while. I have been exploring several things. One of the things I have been exploring lately is the self. I realized no one really knows who they are. Everyone attempts to impress one another. In order to get recognized or to get some attention we often hurt one another. I have realized how much I have allowed people's lives and opinions to shape me; the way I think, feel, act and the decisions I make. I am making a transition. See, I don't want to be anything anyone else puts on me but at the same time I myself don't know exactly who I am. This is largely in part because of letting other things other than my desires dictate what I do. So I must also not put a label on myself. I should just be. So I will. I will be my Self. No one else can be me but me :)

Autonomy

It has become very evident that my sense of autonomy is scarce. God is the only one who can restore it. For it to be restored I am going to have to get really honest. Honesty takes pain and mourning. I am willing. Take me, Lord.

July!

July is the month where I completely let go and let God lead me into everything He wants me to do and be. I am done controlling my day. I am done controlling everything in my life. My life belongs to God and He will do anything he wants to do. I trust him. He is my catcher. He will give me everything I need. He will make me lie down in peace. He will nourish my soul. He is my God. He is my Father. He is my King, My life is his. I am not making it be his. It simply is. Thank you Father.