Because He loved me first

Today marks the 10th year Anniversary of the most important event that has ever occurred in my life. 10 years ago on a day like today, I gave my life to Jesus Christ. It was a very intimate moment. I spoke to him for over an hour and I was the most sincere and vulnerable I had ever been with anyone in my life. That day changed me. All I could ever desire now is to allow Him to be what He was when I first came to him. He was God without any preconceived notions, without any tarnishes from church, other people's theologies, dilemmas and/or disappointments. He is God over all; and He loved me. Out of all the things he could do he decided to choose me and love me. He made me his daughter. And now my wholeness is comprised in letting him re-parent me, re-love me and re-teach me in the way I was always supposed to be parented, loved and taught.

With God

Living life with God means that I get to talk to Him all the time. It means that I am in communion with him always. It is amazing. I have had so much spontaneous fun with him today. It went from receiving words of affirmation in the morning, to deep conversation with someone else, to reading, to taking photographs, to reflecting, to running, to discovering, to going to the library, to eating frozen yogurt, to shopping, to listening to music, to dancing... I love it. I love you God. I am so very in love with you. You are the object of my affection and my life is fully enjoyed when you remain this way. May you be my source forever.

Lessons from Tango

I didn't realize how much I like to be in control. In this type of dance, the desired outcome cannot be met unless the woman completely trusts her partner. I don't know how to let go and trust. As hard as it is to admit, I don't know how to let go and trust God. In dancing, a man's job is to make the woman look beautiful. But this can only be accomplished when the woman completely trusts that this is indeed what the man is doing. In life, it is Christ's job to make his Bride, the Church, look beautiful. But if she doesn't, it is solely a reflection of how little she trusts Christ. Lord, teach me how to let go and let you make me look beautiful. Teach me how to let go of this control that brings ugliness and more chaos to my life. I want to Tango this life with you. I want you; that everything else flows out of this trusting embrace.

Insightful Now

Breaking all paradigms. An epiphany occurred just now. The reason we set paradigms is because again, we want to feel more in control of this world even though it is clearly impossible to control it. Our God will always be in control. The problem we have had by breaking all paradigms in the past is that we unknowingly fall into another one. We have this need to make something or someone into an idol and sometimes we can make our "freedom" an idol as well. God needs to always be God. The reason for this is because He already is God and if we are to have any freedom, it needs to be based, surrounded and filled with truth. God is God and nor I nor my circumstances can never be that. Everything is limited but the Creator. When I allow God to be in his rightful place, everything else in life falls into place as well. The key is not making the way I relate to God into an idol, this way he can show himself in my life in which ever way he wants to. Wow, this insight is quite a life changer.

Let. Go.

There is so much on my mind about life. I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to do what I love every minute of every day. I have been incredibly inspired by a small business owner in the town I live as well as an author of a Christian book. What do I do with this? I have a desire to write. I have a desire to pray. I have a desire to dance. I have a desire care for people. I have a desire to do many many things. How do I narrow it down to the one thing? I guess the only way to do so is by trusting this One thing. This One thing is Jesus. I have to let go of control. Then I have to let him break all paradigms. Paradigms hinder the way I relate to God and to myself. So today, I let go.

Dilemma

I am not what I do. Why then does what I do weigh so heavily on me? Why then does it feel so yucky when I fail? Truth: I am not what I do. Feeling: I am a failure. I need to choose to believe the truth about who I am. The truth is that I am eternally loved. The truth is that I am incredibly precious to my Father in heaven. The truth is that I am eternally safe in Him. I can think of a million things I need to fix and a million things I need to do. The truth is that I need to trust that He will bring to my attention the things I need to be paying attention to in the right time. He loves me. He cares for me. He is my Father. I am his daughter. That is the truth. And in this truth I am set free. I stand on the truth. I am loved, accepted, forgiven. I have been washed in Jesus' blood and my sins are as white as snow.

Purity.
Safety.
Free.

Space

Space has been an issue. Space to be free.
This is it.
I am.
Period.

This is my space to say what I want to say in the way that I want to say it. This is the space to do what I want to do in the way that I want to do it. No one to please. But me. I am me. I am one. Una. The temptation is: Who is going to read this? What are they going to think? How are they going to perceive it? But no, this is not for you. It is for me. I am glad you may find these lines pleasurable, but the world that is in my head needs to be put out there without the fear of criticism. I am. Period.